Killing Time...

One day, while killing time before dinner and trying to keep my little natives from being restless, I stumbled upon this video on YouTube. Thinking it was just a harmless Oswald cartoon, I played it for the kids. Now they ask for it every day! It's not exactly the nicest thing in the world, but they sure get a kick out of Jack Nicholson's famous, "Here's Johnny," scene from "The Shining," being thrown in the video. Thank goodness they don't know what that movie's about.

In short, it's a spoof video, which I didn't know at the time I'd first played it. Now, the kids get such a kick out of it. Who woulda thunk it? You have to watch it to understand why I nearly piss myself every time I see it. The kids don't have any idea why I find it so funny and Hubby is always yelling at me to shut it off when he hears it. Heh.

The things that amuse my children...

Piggies...

Yesterday, as sick as I was feeling, I managed to paint Liesl and Leia's toes for the very first time. They wanted pink piggies, so they got 'em.

They are sooooo officially not babies anymore. Sigh.

Exploding...

I spent 22 hours either sleeping or lying down yesterday. Most of those hours were spent sleeping. I think I slept for 18 hours straight, which is a miracle for me.

Still, though, I don't feel any better. My whole body aches and the headache is unreal. I can't eat anything at all. I haven't eaten a thing since lunch on Saturday. I just can't.

I'm hoping this ends soon.

Oh...My...G...

It looks like The Plague that everyone in my house has gotten has finally hit me. Wonderful.

That's all for posting today. You don't really want to know any of the details. Bleh.

Social Media Explained...

I got this picture from Pinterest. Yeah, this pretty much sums up all the social media sites in a nutshell. And, Dad, G+ means Google+. Heh.

Sick Of Sickness...

Wow. It's been a helluva week.

Everyone in this house has had the stomach flu, except for me. Thankfully, the kids' flu was only a 24-hour bug and they bounced back quickly. I've got an upper and lower respiratory virus wreaking havoc on my system. Fun times over here, I tell ya.

I went on a field trip with Jack and his class this past Wednesday, but I want to save that for another post. It was magical!

Right now, I just want to feel better. I'm glad we're not cleaning up copious amounts of vomit anymore. That was not fun at all. Heh.

I'm glad it's a three-day weekend. Maybe I can recuperate now.

Not My Java...

I have a Chocolate Labrador named Java. She could never do this! She's too tired to do it because she's raising four children. Heh.

What I Do...

This makes me want to watch "Dead Poet's Society" again for the umpteenth time. It's a rejuvenating film for teachers, except for the ending, of course. Heh.

Poor Viola...

Happy Valentines Day!

So Much Fun!...

Jack had a wonderful time at his birthday party yesterday. In fact, all of our kids behaved well...so well that we weren't sure they were even ours. Heh.

Everyone had a great time. The food was good. The company was great. The kids shared their toys, laughed a lot, and took breaks together from the hullaballoo. It turned out much better than I could've ever imagined. Yay!

Today, I'll take Jack for his 7-year check-up at 1pm. I'm looking forward to seeing how much he's grown since the last time he saw his doc. Jack rarely gets so sick that he has to go to the doctor, so he really only sees him once a year, unless he's really, really ill.

Other than that, there's nothing on our agenda today. Relax, eat, relax, see the doctor, come home, veg out, eat dinner, relax some more, go to bed. It's going to be a good day today.

A Good Kind Of Exhaustion...

Today is Jack's birthday party. It's going to be wonderful, chaotic, fun, frenetic, and memorable. Hubby went all out on Jack's cake, so I can't wait to see it. There will be a lot of people here later, nine children as well. Four of those kids are mine, heh.

When it's all over, I'm going to collapse into a heap of exhaustion, but it will be so worth it. You only turn seven once, right? We're going to have a great time!

As long as we can anticipate Jack's needs and thwart the meltdowns from overstimulation before they happen, all will be well. He can retreat to his room and chill out if it gets to be too much for him. Jack knows how to self-regulate enough to know when he needs to take a break from it all.
That's why it's great that he has his own bedroom. And everyone who knows him well also knows when he needs his space and we all respect that. He's come such a long way and we're so proud of him.

We're going to have a great time! I can't wait!

Something To Remember...

I live by this. Such wise words.

My Dad...

Happy 71st Birthday to my Dad!

We hope your day is wonderful!

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders...

How about a joke for today?

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone being under my bed at night. So, I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.

"I'll sleep on it," I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.

"Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so?!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"

Seven Beautiful Years...

Happy 7th Birthday, Jack!

I can't believe you're already seven years old. I don't know where the time went. Seven years ago, you made me a Mother. I thought I knew everything already...and then I became a Mom. I may have known a lot before I had you, but it is nothing compared to what I know now.

You were my first baby. You are my only son. You have taught me so much about love, parenting, and the importance of flexibility. Without you, my world wouldn't be as colorful as it is today. I learned how to anticipate your needs, appreciate your quirks, and grow with you as you grow, too.

Over the course of seven years, you have learned how to do so many things. Right now, you read, you play the piano, you are tech savvy. I can't believe I was graced with such a wonderful kid. You humble me, make me proud, and your eyes bore a hole into my soul. You see right through me.

I am grateful for every day I am with you because each day is important. I love you with all of my heart, all of my soul, and every fiber of my being. You are an amazing child and you will do amazing things with your life when you're an adult. I just have that feeling.

Today is your day, guy. Today is my day, too. It's the anniversary of the day I got the most important job of my life. We're taking this journey together and I couldn't be happier about it. I know you are, too!

Happy 7th Birthday, Jack! You melt me.

The Hunger Moon Is Approaching...

This was in the newspaper the other day and I shared it with Liv. Since she's been working on a solar system unit at school, I showed her all the names full moons also go by throughout the year. She was fascinated. Of course, I have my work cut out for me now. I have several names of moons whose origins I have to look up. She's tickled pink (pun intended) that the full moon that occurs two days before her birthday this year is also called a Pink Moon. That's Livie for ya!

3-2-1 Cake...

These individual little cakes are amazing and ready to eat in one minute! They are perfect
for whenever you feel like a treat without all the fat and calories that cakes can have. Genius idea!

INGREDIENTS:
1 box Angel Food Cake Mix
1 box Cake Mix - Any Flavor
2 Tbsp Water
Makes 1 serving.

DIRECTIONS:
In a ziploc bag, combine the two cake mixes together and mix well. For each individual cake serving, take out 3 Tablespoons of the cake mix combination and mix it with 2 Tablespoons of water in a small microwave-safe container. Microwave on high for 1 minute, and you have
your own instant individual little cake!

KEEP remaining cake mixture stored in the ziploc bag and use whenever you feel like a treat! You can top each cake with a dollop of fat free whipped topping and/or some fresh fruit.

Helpful Tips:
This recipe is called 3, 2, 1 Cake because all you need to remember is
"3 tablespoons mix, 2 tablespoons water, 1 minute in the microwave!"
TRY various flavors of cake mix like carrot, red velvet, pineapple, lemon, orange, etc. Just remember that one of the mixes has to be the angel food mix; the other is your choice.
The flavor possibilities are endless!

NOTES:
The best thing is, you open both cake mixes into a gallon storage bag, one that 'zip locks' or 'self-seals', or a container that seals tightly, shake the two cake mixes to blend and then make the recipe. Storage of mix is simple, put it on a shelf. No need to refrigerate, since the mix is dry. Always remember, that one of the cake mixes MUST be Angel Food. The other can be any flavor. The Angel Food is the cake mix that has the egg whites in it. So, if, anyone is allergic to egg whites, DO NOT serve this recipe.

This recipe was sent to me in an email from my mother-in-law. I just might have to try this! The only thing I would add to it is that cake mixes tend to have expiration dates. It's probably best to get two cakes mixes that have the same date or close to the same date. I know they have expiration dates because mold can build up and actually kill you if you ingest it. Hence, the expiration dates in the first place!

I would probably date the ziploc bag with two dates: the expiration dates of the cake mixes and the date you put them in the bag. I would also suggest that if you're not going to use this mixture within two weeks, you should probably throw it out. Cake mixes are not expensive, so if you don't get around to eating one serving of these per day, it's not a big deal to get rid of it.

Taxing...

Why is it that doing taxes is so...taxing? I hate doing them, but they must get done. And, being the control freak that I am, only I can do them. And I do them begrudgingly every year. It makes no sense, but it is what it is. And it's exhausting.

It takes me days to do our taxes because I can't do it all in one day. I get too nervous. Bleh. And I want to puke. Heh.

I started doing them on Friday night. I'm hoping to be done sometime today. If not, I won't sweat it. I don't know if I hate numbers because I'm an English teacher or if I'm an English teacher because I hate numbers. I've always been allergic to math, so it's quite ironic that I do our taxes each year.

Gah!

13 Years...

Hubby and I were married in Maui thirteen years ago today

and each day I love him more and more.

Happy Anniversary to us! Yay!

The Week That Just Wouldn't End...

It's a good idea I kept Liv home yesterday. She was sick for most of the day, but was finally able to keep some food down in the afternoon and evening. Poor thing tried to eat during the day, but just could not keep anything down. She slept a lot, rested, and felt much better once she was able to actually keep food in her tummy. When I came home from work, her eyes looked better to me. At dinner, she ate chicken broth, ginger ale, and crackers. Her spirit started coming back once she was able to eat again.

She and Jack have the day off, so Hubby has all four kids home with him today. I'm going to work later than usual because I'm meeting with Jack's teacher to touch base. She asked me to be the school's team leader for the annual Walk for Autism. When I find out what that role will entail, I'll let her know if I'm going to accept it. Being the team's leader would be kind of cool, but I have many priorities and commitments aside from that already. I don't want to bite off more than I can chew and I don't want anything to suffer. No matter what I do, I'm still going to do the Walk with his school. I'd do just about anything for kids on the autism spectrum.

I'll be so glad once the weekend gets here. This has felt like a very long week.

One Kid Down...

Liv came home from school yesterday at 11am. She wasn't feeling very well at all, so the school called and asked Hubby to come get her. Liesl and Leia went with and were soooooo excited to be at SCHOOL! They just watched the little kids walk in their single file lines, were overjoyed at the low, kid-friendly drinking fountains, and didn't know what to make of the rows and rows of lockers. The bright colors of the walls and the fun kid work hanging up in the hallways nearly knocked them over. They officially LOVE school, even though they haven't even enrolled in preschool yet. But I digress.

Liv came home and wound up puking several times. She's got some kind of stomach virus, so she may or may not go to school today. It depends how she feels. She didn't puke much up because she'd barely eaten anything. A mini bagel with peanut butter was all she had at breakfast and she didn't even touch her lunch, except for her juice box. By the time she came home, the juice box had come up. When I got home from work, she was sound asleep in her bed. She even slept through dinner.

After dinner, she woke up and was feeling very punky. She took a shower, put on her jammies, and rested on the couch only to puke again before she could make it to the bathroom. Poor baby! I hope she feels better today. It's not time for her to get up yet, but we'll play it by ear today. She's got tomorrow off from school anyway, so maybe taking today off to get better isn't such a bad idea. She rarely gets sick, but when she does...it's a doozy.

One kid down, three more kids to go. Who will get it next?

February Already?...

Wow! It's February already. Shit. The school year is half over and I find myself asking where all the time went. Before I know it, Jack will be in second grade and Liv will be in first grade. WTF?!

*Three more until our 13th wedding anniversary... We 've known each other for 20 years and dated for five or six before we got married, so technically we've been together for half our lives. Surreal.

*Seven more days until my boy turns 7 years old... I have learned so much being his Mom and I'm grateful for all of it.

Hubby says he's getting me a combination birthday/anniversary present. I have no idea what he's getting me, but the only thing I can think of that I really need is love, happiness, and health. You can never get enough of those. Maybe he's secretly getting a vasectomy. Heh.

Happy Bubble...

How about a nice, big, hot cup of Shut the Fuck Up to go with that big bowl of Bitchy you had this morning? Seriously.

There must be something in the water because some people are just ridiculously rude lately. And I'm so sick of adults who behave more like children than their own age. WTF is wrong with people? Get over yourself because you're not as important as you think you are. Did you ever want to tell someone that?

I'm going to go back into my Happy Bubble again. It's safe and relatively sane there.

Softly On My Shoulder...

Yep, that's pretty much how I look at happiness.

When you least expect to find it, it's right there.

40 Years...

Today is my 40th birthday and I have learned a lot in forty years. I was going to make a lengthy list of everything I've learned, but decided not to. I know where I've been, how far I've come, and what it has all taught me. I don't need to list it.

Instead, I realized that my thirties were the best time of my life, so far. My twenties were filled with a lot of fun, heartache, hard work, and therapy. My thirties, however, is when everything came together. I bought a home, lost one beloved dog, gave birth to four amazing children, had a miscarriage, got my Masters degree, endured various degrees of heartache, and honed my skills in my chosen profession. There were a lot of character building moments that I will always cherish because I learned from them. While my twenties were roaring, my thirties were so fulfilling in so many ways. I learned love and loss.

I don't know what's in store for my forties. I've been dreading turning 40 for the last year. I don't know how this next decade will top the last one, but I'm hoping for amazing moments with the people I love. I'm trying really hard to embrace 40, so I'm talking myself out of my funk. All I know is that I'm growing every day, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Halfway to dead? Yeah, maybe so. Halfway into life, you bet. Maybe the next decade will give me moments as good as the ones in my thirties were. If not, I'll always have memories of my thirties to get me through the hard times.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow or the next day, but I do know that I'm embracing each moment because those are what matter the most. I can't control any of it, but I can control my reaction to whatever happens. That's half the battle.

I would say that the past 40 years have taught me a lot. Maybe the next decade will be even better. I feel the need to make every minute count because you never know when your time is up. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go hug my kids. Rather than be upset about turning 40, today I'm going to embrace the fact that I'm still here and loved and able to do the things I love with the people I love.

That Face...

Me and Liv

I love the perspective of it and Liv's perfectly symmetrical face. What a beauty!

Sign Of The Times...

Oh, to be simplified. I think in my past life, I lived on a purple bus with a lot of people who played guitars and smoked the good shit. It seemed to be so much easier and less chaotic than it is today, especially with regards to technology. If I could live my life again, I'd like to be part of a hippie commune, reading and writing poetry, singing and dancing outside the purple bus I call my home. With a big fatty in my hand. Heh.

Or maybe I could live with Jack Kerouac and wear nothing but black and recite my poetry on stage to the beat of snapping fingers.

Now, if today's medical technology and advances also existed back then, it would be magical.

Why do so many technological advances make life so much more complicated when they're supposed to make life easier? I'm a slave to my email, my iPhone, and this computer I'm typing this on. When I want to put it all down for even just one day, I find it very challenging.

Gah. It's a sign of the times.

She Just Knows...

Not long ago, I took a photograph of Java's nose. I posted it as my profile picture on Facebook. Yesterday, I received this very photo, enlarged, framed, and matted, from a very good friend of mine who lives in Florida. She chopped the frame and cut the mats and everything else that has to be done when assembling a framed piece. This piece of beautiful art that hangs in my bedroom was made completely by hand. Her lovely, hardworking hands.

It was a complete surprise and just happened to be the best part of my day, especially since it was a character building day at work. Thank you from the bottom of my cold, dead, black heart, E. You might be the only one in the world who would know what to do for me for my birthday. My poor husband and family are scrambling for ideas and you're stealing their thunder! Heh. I admit that I am not easy to buy presents for at all. I really don't even know what I want or need. I don't think what I would like is anything tangible at all. What I want most is a feeling that only I can attain on my own; everything else is just appreciated, but it doesn't fill that void (I don't even know if that's an accurate word to describe it).

I don't know how E knew it would make me happy, but she did. What I needed yesterday was not anything anyone could buy; I needed a boost in my spirit and she came through without being asked to do so. It's not that anyone else couldn't do that; it was just all about the timing of it. It truly made me feel better when I didn't think I could.

She knows I'm having a hard time turning 40 because she just went through it herself, dragging her feet all the way there like I am now. She knows how much I love my Chocolate Lab. She also knows I love art. And she took a photograph I took and created something so beautiful, all by hand. She didn't buy a frame and slap a picture in it; she MADE the fucking frame and cut the mats for it herself!

A-fucking-mazing! And that's why I love her. She just gets me.

The Canvas Of My Life...

I need a wall I can do something like this on. I love it. I picked it up off of Pinterest and I just keep looking at it. I need a wall I can do something like this on. Now. I love this kind of art because there are so many layers to it. Everything on here is on here for a reason. That's how I look at it. It's kind of like life, in general. We are the canvas of our own lives and what is placed onto it is everything we experience.

I feel the need to create a canvas of my life that is tangible and the only way I can think of to do it is through art. Maybe a canvas of words and pictures would suit my taste.

The creative juices are flowing. It's been a long time since I've thrown myself into an art project. Now is as good a time as any. I need to do this.

Not In The Cards...

If I didn't have so many responsibilities, I'd be able to afford the luxury of the nervous breakdown I deserve. But, alas, it is not meant to be. So, trudge through it all, I must. Sigh...

Searching...

This is the week I'm dreading because it's the last week I'll be 39. I have been dreading turning 40 since I turned 39. I am not having an easy time with this at all.

I don't know what it is. It could be that I have four young children and they'll have an "old" Mom now. It could be that I look at turning 40 as being halfway to dead. It could be a combination of the two or much deeper than I can even perceive. Whatever it is, it keeps me crying. A lot. And it's a very difficult feeling to shake, especially since I can't pinpoint why exactly.

Anybody over 40 says it's no big deal, but it's a big deal to me. It might not be a big deal to you, but it is to me and my feelings should be respected. I don't want to hear any "over the hill" jokes or snarky comments about being an old lady. I don't want to get hurt by it because I'll never let go of that grudge. It's that serious to me.

Am I going to have a party? No different than any other year, a meal I like and cake at my parents' house on Saturday. Am I taking any delight in being halfway to dead? Absolutely not. Can I stop the inevitable? Not really because the only way to not turn 40 is to die before you do. I don't want that at all. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin...40-year-old skin. Ick.

I realize that perspective is everything and it's half the battle. However, I just can't help but think that my children get to watch my slow decline and, ultimately, my death. Maybe that's what has me so blue. Hmmm.

The idea of turning 40 suffocates my spirit. I literally can't breathe when I think about it. In fact, I can't breathe right now as I type this. I'm hoping to find a silver lining and I've spent the last year looking for one. So far, I've come up empty-handed.

Nobody understands how I feel, so it's of no use to talk about it. I just get that "whatever" look. Getting old is not going to be a picnic. And right now, I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. My "dirty thirties" are over. I'm hoping that "the event" won't be the catalyst for my downward spiral.

Bleh. At least I'm being honest. One more week. Sigh.