Today, as you know, Baby Jack had his doctor visit and I had mine, too. Here's the lowdown on how it all turned out.
Baby Jack's doctor visit confirmed what I've already known for a while; his doctor is incompetent. That's why I can't wait until the new pediatrician I've picked out for him opens his practice up to new patients at the first of the year. Jack's doctor just stresses me out about nothing and everything. She just doesn't get it. And it kills me that she has to read off a sheet to see if he's meeting milestones and such.
Relax. I already have a new doctor in mind for him and already contacted his office. He can't take any new patients until the first of this coming year, when he gets another doctor in his office. It's only two months away, so I'm not stressing about it. Unfortunately, Jack has to see his incompetent-shit-for-brains doctor one more time next month for the next half of his flu shot and to measure his head again. Measure his head again, you ask? Let me tell you what made me want to kill her.
Jack's info is fine. He's 17.11 pounds, up from 16 pounds at six months old, so he's gained almost two pounds. Although I remember the last time he was weighed, they more or less guesstimated. He's 27.5 inches long, up from 25.25 inches long at six months old, so he's two inches taller now. His head circumference is 45 cm, the same it was at six months old. I distinctly remember them measuring his head three times last time we were there with three different measuring tapes, each one coming up with a different figure. I thought it was extremely odd that his head had grown 4 fucking cm between age 4 months and age 6 months. I remember telling them that. The doctor didn't really pay any attention to it at the time. This time, however, she showed concern that his head hadn't grown.
Have you seen my kid's head? He looks like Charlie Fucking Brown. He has a big, lovable blockhead. My guess is that they measured incorrectly the last time and his head is growing just fine, like the rest of his body. Now, they want to see him in another month to give him the other half of his flu shot and to measure his head again. So, I ask you, how much is his head actually going to grow in one month? She mentioned that if it didn't, she'd have to refer him to a pediatric neurologist.
Kiss. My. Ass. Bitch. He'll go in for his flu shot; he'll get his head measured. And guess what...it's the last time you'll ever touch my baby. Ever. You stupid rotten do-do headed crotchrot. You caused me unnecessary stress and I should sue you for mental duress. Dumb bitch. You always do this to me. Every. Single. Time.
Not anymore, however. I will not see your neurologist. You will never see my boy again. You are only a family practitioner. You are not a pediatrician, which is why you are constantly consulting your books when you see my son. He is not odd. YOU are odd. You can't make critical decisions, so you must refer, refer, refer. Kiss my ass, Cunt. You can treat a cold for me, but you'll never treat my son again. Bitch.
Switching gears completely...
My doctor visit with my new OB/GYN was fabulous. I have the option to VBAC. Yea! He has estimated my due date to now be May 4, 2006. I had a great vag exam, as compared to the ones I've had in the past. Very low-key, very nonstressful visit. I told him I didn't want the unnecessary ultrasounds and nonstress tests that I'd been sent for the last time. He told me that he supported my need for a better experience this time around.
I waited forever to get in. You know doctors; they don't keep their appointments. I did, however, have a great experience. I'll go next Saturday (11/19) for blood tests (AFP, thyroid, and an OB complete). He told me to call him on the 22nd to find out the results of my tests. And I have my next appointment on November 28th.
I was reassured by him about all of my doubts. I told him I wanted to come see him directly because I wasn't interested in having my stupid doctor be the middleman. He told me that she wouldn't be able to support my decision to VBAC anyway; she wouldn't be able to do a C-section; she wouldn't be able to really do anything but take measurements and refer me to him. So, I was right about cutting her out of the picture altogether.
And she didn't even notice that I'm pregnant today. Stupid bitch. She was more than happy to press on the staples in Hubby's head without any gloves on, too. Now do you see why it's imperative that I get rid of her? She's fine for treating colds, but she's not capable of doing anything else, especially anything that requires crucial decision-making skills.
So, I only have to "play the game" with the shit-for-brains doctor one more time. After that, she's history. You don't know how much I wanted to hurt her feelings and tell her that I was pregnant and that I didn't trust her to handle me with this pregnancy. I really, really wanted to just say it, but I didn't.
I figure, as long as I stay healthy, she won't have to know until it's all over, if I'm lucky. The only thing she did for me today, other than make me feel bad, was give me a flu shot. That's all she's good for anyway. And you know what, she didn't even give it to me. The nice nurse did. Dr. Dipshit just writes the order for it. The nurses always do all the work.
So, my visit was great, but Jack's visit was one ball of stress. One out of two isn't bad for today, is it? And the title of this post? Yeah, I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time (about 150 bpm) and it'll be the lullaby I fall asleep to tonight. Today was an experience, to say the least.