Comments from the Peanut Gallery

Taking one day at a time...

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  • Saturday, December 31, 2005

    The Official List...

    ...for our annual family Dead Pool will NOT be changed from the original list I posted a few days ago. I'm big on "first instincts," so I think I'm going to go with what I initially wrote.

    Oh, how I love this game!

    Friday, December 30, 2005

    A Quiet Day...

    Today, I had my OB/GYN visit and all went well. It's funny how unstressful this pregnancy is compared with the last few months I was pregnant with Jack. It's amazing how a different doctor and a new comfort level can change things so much.

    After getting home, I went to Borders and actually bought myself some books. For once, I didn't come home with baby board books for Jack. I also just had to make a stop at the beauty supply store for stuff to make me feel pretty. Today's little shopping excursion got me out of the house and breathing fresh air. Hubby was home watching Jack, so you'd better believe I took full advantage of that.

    Tonight, I'm hoping to go to bed early since last night was the night from hell with my boy. He went to bed at 10 p.m., but got up at 2:30 a.m. He didn't even go back to bed until 4:30 a.m. and woke up just before 7 a.m. So, Hubby and I are just pooped today, to say the least.

    I, consequently, have two questions for you:
    a)If Sleep comes to visit at your house, won't you please send him my way?
    ...and...
    b)What the hell am I going to do when there's two babies that won't sleep?

    Mercy me.

    Thursday, December 29, 2005

    I Have A Love/Hate Relationship With...

    ...my baby's booger sucker (a.k.a. nasal aspirator). I love that it sucks out all his boogies, but I hate doing it like you wouldn't believe. On one hand, I know it's good for him because it clears out his nasal passages, since he's too little to know how to blow his nose yet. On the other hand, I cringe every time I have to use it and so does he. Every encounter produces a litany of tears, resentment, fear, misery, and red-faced anger on my baby's part. Then again, I could say it produces those same results in me.

    I love the booger sucker, but I hate it. I wish my baby's cold would just go away so I could divorce this booger sucker and get back together with it later, when it's convenient for me (Translation: the next time he gets a cold will be the next time I'll use it).

    Years ago, when I was cool, I never would have thought I'd be blogging about this topic. *Sigh*

    Wednesday, December 28, 2005

    Java Has Her Own Private Idaho...


    Blondie bought Java a brand new bed last night...and Java won't come off of it! Let's hope she doesn't chew this one up! Posted by Picasa

    ***UPDATE AT 2:54 p.m.***Yeah, I should've known better than to post the above content. Java officially chewed up the zipper on her bed so it won't close anymore, but at least she left the inside intact...for now. Duh. I jinxed it. **Sigh**

    Tuesday, December 27, 2005

    My Tentative Dead Pool List...

    Every year, certain members of my family participate in the Dead Pool. We make a list of ten famous people we think will die in the coming year. Yeah, I know, it's weird, but that's how we have our fun. How do you win? That's easy. You subtract the person's age at the time of their death from 100 and those are the points you earn. The person with the most points at the end of the year, wins. For two years now, I've won (for 2004 and so far, I'm winning for 2005). And, yes, I'm very proud of that fact. If all goes well, I may win our 2006 Dead Pool, as well.

    So, here's my tentative list of the well-known figures I think will croak in 2006. I say it's "tentative" because I just might change it. I still have until this Sunday to make changes, so here goes:

    1. Dick Clark
    2. Elizabeth Taylor
    3. Fidel Castro
    4. Larry Hagman
    5. Muhammad Ali
    6. Patsy Ramsey
    7. Anna Nicole Smith
    8. Jerry Lewis
    9. Gary Busey
    10. Greg Louganis

    If anyone knows if any of these people are already dead, please let me know so I can make the necessary changes.

    *SIDENOTE: It's not that I wish any of these people dead; I just find it slightly amusing to speculate on how long they just might make it, given their health and lifestyles.

    Don't you wish you were in my family? Heh...

    Monday, December 26, 2005

    Soooooo Glad It's Over...

    While the holidays are wonderfully suspenseful and it's great to spend quality time with both of our families, I'm really glad it's over. I didn't realize how out-of-whack my baby's schedule would get because of all the hullaballoo.

    Baby Jack has slept fitfully the past several nights, most likely due to all the harmonious chaos (if that's even an accurate description; it's more of an oxymoron). We had a fantastic couple of days and nights, filled with love and family and good fun. Now, it's over and we have to get back on track. There's no doubt in my mind that my being off for the next two weeks will throw him into another whirlwind once I go back to work on January 9th. My poor guy...

    Christmas was lovely and filled with lots of joy, as it should be. However, my baby now has a wretched cold and he's a boogery mess today. He barely slept last night and with me attacking him with the nasal drops, the Baby Vicks, and the booger sucker every chance I get, he's not too happy today. He's down for a nap right now, but there's no telling how long he'll actually sleep. I'm boiling water right now; I have the gigantic humidifier on upstairs; and I've kept the boy in his pajamas today. It's quiet in the house and it's just the dogs, my son, and me enjoying the silence. "We need the calm and the silence" is an understatement.

    And Linus, Blondie's dog, erupted in his cage last night, spewing out puke that smelled like shit. I'm pretty sure there was shit in there, as well. Our whole basement smelled awful and I wound up throwing out his bed. He didn't eat a single thing yesterday, not even the yogurt I tried to give him to settle his stomach, and I found a 3/4" plastic bolt cover (from the swing in the yard) in his puke. This morning I made him rice with chicken broth and he ate it up. I'm hoping I don't have to clean up any more Linus explosions today. He shit all over the towel I put down in his cage last night (to replace his bed); he couldn't help it. He just wasn't feeling well. If he keeps his rice down, I'll give him more of it at dinnertime. Until then, he's got to stay in his cage. While I hate doing that to him, I would hate it even more if I had to clean up puke and shit all over the rest of my house. Cleaning a cage is easier. Since Blondie's in Kansas for a surprise visit to her Mom, I'm watching over Linus. He'll probably be fine once she gets home tonight. He was quite perky this morning; he just stinks and she'll need to give him a bath later.

    Thank goodness Java's not sick. I can handle one sick baby and one sick dog. Two sick dogs would be pushing my limit. I'd probably end up puking, too. Doh!

    I hope your holiday was a merry one and that Santa was good to you. Our holiday was wonderful and if I made a list of everything we received, you'd probably rob me. So, enjoy your Monday and your leftovers. I know I will be, once I get a nap.

    Saturday, December 24, 2005

    An Unforgettable Holiday...

    Yesterday's ultrasound was the best experience of all the ultrasounds I've ever had. I was so soured before about going for an ultrasound because my old doctor, who many of you know I refer to as Dr. Dipshit, sent me for, I think, eight of them when I was pregnant with Jack. Almost each time she had speculated that there was something wrong with him, but she couldn't give me any guarantees that there wasn't. So, needless to say, I had my misgivings about going for an ultrasound with this new baby.

    It turned out to be a wonderful, stress-free experience, unlike the other ones with Jack had been. Dalia, the ultrasound tech, took over a half hour with us, pointing out how everything was so great about this baby. Each measurement coincided almost exactly with the due date I was given. I was so pleased by the experience, I filled out a comment card praising her for her service. For the first time, Hubby and I left there not feeling awful and inadequate.

    Yesterday had been a very, very good day. When I'd gotten home from work, I came home to a house that had been cleaned top to bottom by Hubby and Blondie. The only thing I have to do is polish the wood furniture and clean the fingerprints off of one mirror. That's it. The rest had been done for me, all to my liking. Hubby was so happy about the cleaning job they had done, he told me that I would be doubly impressed with our upstairs bathroom and bedroom. When I got up there, guess what I saw...

    A brand new, king-sized sleigh bed in our bedroom! It is one of my presents this year. I cried like a baby, even worse than a baby, as a matter of fact. We've never had a headboard or footboard for any of the beds we've ever had and I didn't expect this in a million years. Well, it's here and I slept so well last night, so did Baby Jack...until this morning.

    At 6 a.m., Baby Jack fell out of the bed. I'd set up the barricade, as usual, to prevent him from falling out while I went to take a shower, like I do every morning. Well, he found a way around that and fell right out, hitting his head on the footstool I now have to use to get into my brand new bed. OUCH! I believe the footstool broke his fall, but he has a nasty Christmas bump and bruise to accompany our celebration of the holiday. He even broke skin a little. My poor baby!

    He stayed up and played for a while, despite his gigantic headache. I gave him Tylenol and he drank his whole bottle. I also called my Sister, who is an ER nurse, to see how soon I could let him go back to bed, since his sleep had been sorely (no pun intended) interrupted. She gave me much needed advice on the situation. He's napping now, but I won't let him sleep too long. Hubby is also back in bed, too, probably sleeping soundly knowing Jack is in his crib.

    So, it will be an unforgettable holiday this year, bumps and bruises included. It will be a day that is chock-full of family time and good eats. As long as the two men in my life are napping, I'm going to try to get some appetizer trays together so all I have to do later is put them in the oven.

    I hope your day is a good one. And make sure you don't fall out of your bed, too! It's not a good way to start the day.

    Friday, December 23, 2005

    All Is Well...

    Jack's doctor appointment went very well. I had specifically requested that he NOT be seen by his previous doctor, Dr. Dipshit. In fact, he had two male doctors look at him; a first-year resident and an attending, both of whom were very helpful and reassuring. They treated Jack with the best care possible. I was pleased. His last appointment was on November 11th and he has changed a lot since then.

    He had several things taken care of yesterday:
    1. He got the other half of his flu shot and he was great about it; yeah, he screamed, but when it was over he was back to normal; he's pretty good with shots
    2. He had his weight taken; he's up two pounds (last time, he was 17 lbs., 11 0z.; this time he was 19 lbs., 10 oz.) DOH!
    3. He grew at least an inch, maybe two, in length (he was 27.75" last time; this time it was either 29.75" or 28.75", I can't remember; it doesn't really matter, though; he grew like a weed and that's the main thing)
    4. His head circumference was measured and his head has apparently shrunk from 45cm to 44cm (Now, we definitely know that these measurements are whacked and all relative, depending on who's doing the measuring; I pitched a fit about it, too, telling the doctor and nurse that Dr. Dipshit wanted to send Jack to a pediatric neurologist if his head didn't grow according to her chart; they told me to disregard that and assured me that there's nothing wrong with my boy, after seeing him standing on the scale, jumping like a madman. I already knew that, but I'm glad they thought Dr. Dipshit was full of shit. It seems that there are several people there that don't like her. HA! I also stole one of their measuring tapes so that I could measure his head at homebefore our visits, to compare the results.)
    5. And, of course, he had his penis checked out. They removed the yuck that had been caught in a "pocket" and we'll just have to keep an eye on it from now on. We know stuff will tend to collect there, so we have to make sure this doesn't happen again. Some Polysporin (over the counter) and he's back to normal. It should no longer be sore or red over the next couple of days and if it gets worse, he just has to go back. The "rash" on his trunk follows the pattern of his onesie, so they think it's just dry skin. Thank goodness!

    So, all is well, really. I leave work today at 1:15 p.m. and have an ultrasound appointment at 3 p.m. I'm looking forward to it, sort of. The eight ultrasounds I had with Jack (due to Dr. Dipshit and her stupidity) left a bad taste in my mouth, so I'm hoping for a better pregnancy experience all-around this time. Things will get done around the house today and I have help. Hopefully, the day turns out to be a great one. Of course, now that I know Baby Jack is fine, it will be a great day no matter what.

    Thanks for all your encouraging words. I was pretty blue, but now I'm not. And I'm just going to tackle things one at a time. It's the only way to keep from losing my mind, I guess. One thing I forgot to put on my grocery list...eggnog. Aw, shit! I better put it on there before I forget.

    Eggnog is important in my family. It just is. I can't spike it, but I don't care. I just might drink a whole carton of it myself, if my Dad doesn't get to it first. During the holidays, eggnog becomes its own food group to me. That's how much I love it.

    Have a great day! I'm hoping the absence of traffic this morning on my way to work signals that today will be a great day, after all.

    Thursday, December 22, 2005

    One Big Ball Of Stress And No Outlet...

    Later on today, my Dad and I will be taking Baby Jack in to see the doctor. I was able to get him a 2:30 p.m. appointment, although I'd wished it had been an earlier one. His regular doctor won't be in, so he'll be seeing someone else at the practice. Thank goodness! And that means I'll be leaving work at 1:15 p.m. and getting paid for a full day, too. (I have to do that tomorrow, as well, because I'm getting my ultrasound at 3 p.m.)

    There are three things Jack needs today:

    1. The second-half of his flu shot (if they'll give it to him);
    2. A measurement of his head to make sure it's growing (because they don't know how to measure correctly); and
    3. An examination of his penis; there's a discharge coming from a "bubble" that's on the border between the head and the shaft (it's a bit inflamed and red now, so it's time to get it looked at)

    Yes, I'm stressing out; it's his penis, for crying out loud. No, I'm not okay about it. Yes, I'm at work because...I don't know why. No, what he has isn't life-threatening. Yes, I'm glad he'll be getting looked at later.

    No, I haven't even begun to clean my house, buy the food, or prepare anything for our guests on Saturday, so I may just take the whole day off tomorrow and say fuck it to everything else.

    But we all know what happens when I say that...I still go in to work. Calgon, take me away.

    Wednesday, December 21, 2005

    A Christmas Game For You...

    It's a matter of opinion that Yule love the game we're about to
    play. In each sentence below, fill in the blank or blanks with an
    expression commonly used at Christmastide.


    1. On December 24, Adam's wife was known as _____ _____.

    2. In Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol, Scrooge was visited
    by the ghost of _____ _____.

    3. An opinion survey in Alaska is called a _____ _____.

    4. What does Santa Claus do with his three gardens? _____, _____,
    _____.

    5. What Christmas message is conveyed by these letters?
    ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. _____,
    _____

    6. When the salt and the pepper say "Hi!" to each other, they are
    passing on _____ _____.

    7. A holy man bereft of change could be called _____ _____.

    8. When you cross a sheep with a cicada, you get a _____ _____.

    9. A quiet medieval armor-wearer is a _____ _____.

    10. A cat walking on the desert is bound to get _____ _____.

    11. People who tell jokes on December 25 might be called _____
    _____.

    12. An airplane disaster in Israel is a _____.

    13. Actor O'Connor and actress Channing are known on December 25
    as _____ _____.

    14. What do Spanish sheep says when they wish each other a Merry
    Christmas? _____ _____.

    Meretricious to all! And don't forget that There's No Plate Like
    Chrome for the Hollandaise.

    Now click here for the answers on the site where I found this. I hope you enjoyed it!

    Tuesday, December 20, 2005

    A Parent's Night Before Christmas...

    This is so funny, but I did not make this one up. I got it from this site and thought it was funny enough to share here. Enjoy!

    'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
    I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
    Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
    In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
    The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
    While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
    A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
    And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!


    We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
    Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
    Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
    If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

    When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
    But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
    With each part numbered and every slot named,
    So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

    More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
    All over the carpet they were scattered about.
    "Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
    Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
    Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
    "Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

    And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
    That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
    To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
    With "assembly required" till morning's first light.

    We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
    Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
    The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
    Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

    Then laying the tools away in the chest,
    We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
    But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
    "This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

    Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
    And not have to run to the store for a thing!
    We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
    For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"

    Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
    Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
    I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!

    I hope all your shopping is done, all your gifts are wrapped, and you're enjoying some spiked eggnog for me since I can't partake in that this year! Five more days to go...four more, if you celebrate a day early, like we do!

    Monday, December 19, 2005

    Funny Letters To Santa...

    These were sent to me in my email. I thought they were funny enough to put here. Read on.

    deer santa:
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
    yeer.

    Yer Frend,
    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
    I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your
    older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

    Santa
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
    peace and joy in the world for everybody!

    Love,Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

    Santa
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
    mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

    Love,Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
    hurricane.Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?

    Santa
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your
    reindeer outside the back door.

    Love, Carol

    Dear Carol
    Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
    riding in the sleigh.. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.

    Santa
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
    toys?

    Your friend, Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I
    give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas,
    where I spend most of my time gambling. I unwind by drinking myself silly
    andsqueezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps
    table.

    Santa

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

    Love,Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
    your house.

    Santa
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
    PLEASE could I have one?

    Timmy

    Timmy,
    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
    work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

    Santa
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

    Love, Marky

    Mark,
    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass
    kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
    low-rent,ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all
    the burglars do, through your bedroom window!

    Sweet Dreams,
    Santa

    Happy Holidays! I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did. They're mean, but they're funny. 'Tis the season!

    Sunday, December 18, 2005

    I Need My Own Nummy...

    Have you ever been so pissed that you just weren't sure how to blog about it?

    Yeah, that's me today. I'd like to blog about what's pissing me off, but I know it still won't solve what's angering me.

    I guess all you really need to know is that I'm at my limit right now.

    I'm off to suck on my nummy now, but I doubt it'll help.

    Saturday, December 17, 2005

    One Thing At A Time...

    My adorable Hubby tackled 90% of #1 from yesterday's To-Do List. And a big fat AMEN to that! He was out and about last evening with a list of glad tidings we're giving the important people in our lives this year. Wrapping will be easy this year. We'll probably flip a coin to see who gets to do that!

    Today, I'm tackling the Peanut Butter Balls. Blondie will help dip them later when she gets home from work. I doubt I'll have enough time to dip them before then. If I can't get them all made before she gets home, maybe she'll start the next batch and dip both batches for me (hopefully!). Since Baby Jack woke up at 8am, I thought he'd be awake for a while. However, he was rubbing his eyes and sleepy by 9:45am. Lucky me, he fell asleep by 10am and I'm off to start the first batch of peanut butter balls. Since I'm quadrupling the recipe (I must be out of my mind), I figured I'd try to do half at a time. I don't have big enough pots to do the whole thing at once. So, I'll do a double-batch at a time and see how that works out. My only problem is space. I'll probably have to put them outside on the deck so they can be ready for dipping later. Pray they don't get devoured by creatures before then.

    Maybe I'll even get around to composing my Dead Pool List for this coming year. Oh, such fun! It's an annual thing among certain members of my family. I believe I'm the winner for this year's contest, two years in a row. Do I know how to pick 'em or what? Yeah, we're sick people...but we're so much fun to be around!

    I better get going so I can start those peanut butter balls before Jack gets up again. Maybe he'll be a sweetheart and let me finish the first batch, at least!

    A girl can dream...

    Friday, December 16, 2005

    My Partial To-Do List...

    Believe me when I say this is just the tip of the iceberg.

    1. Start and finish Christmas shopping (Yikes!)
    2. Clean, clean, clean for Christmas Eve dinner at our house (it's only 8 days away!)
    3. Make peanut butter balls for all of mankind (mostly because I don't feel like fucking baking this year)
    4. Change dentists with the dental insurance and make an appointment to have my temporary filling replaced with a permanent filling
    5. Call health insurance and switch doctors for all three of us
    6. Make an appointment for Jack to get his second-half of the flu shot
    7. Get my ultrasound done on 12/23
    8. See my OB/GYN on 12/30
    9. Get copies of all of our medical records from Dr. Dipshit's office so we can have our records when we make the switch to new doctors
    10. Rest

    If you ask me, I think #10 is the most important one on the list right now. Yeesh... I gotta get my ass in gear.

    Thursday, December 15, 2005

    Be Glad I Wasn't Born Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer...

    If I had been Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, I would've blown the other reindeer to bits with a sawed-off shotgun. Let me explain.

    Rudolph wasn't like the other reindeer. He was physically different and the others made fun of him. They wouldn't play with him and they called him horrible things because he wasn't like them. The other reindeer basically ganged up on him and made him feel like shit on a daily basis. They didn't even like him until he "proved" himself by saving Christmas and Santa's fat ass.

    I think it sucks.

    What brought this post on? That's easy. I was listening to the lyrics of the song, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," and I was singing it to my son when I had this realization. It's something I never thought about before, but as soon as I started singing it to my little guy, I became enraged. I vowed that I wasn't going to sing that particular song to him anymore. It took me 33 years of passive listening and three minutes of active listening to realize that Rudolph was bullied by a gang. I think it's a sad song, despite the fact that he saves Christmas and is finally liked by the other reindeer afterward. I think that song sends a poor message out to children everywhere.

    Why the hell would Rudolph want to be liked by a bunch of bullies who turned their backs against him for his physical differences, only to be accepted after he "proved" himself worthy of their attention? This song pisses me off.

    And I refuse to sing it to my son anymore. I don't want him to think that people with physical differences are any less worthy of love and attention. And I don't want him to think that people who look different from others have to prove themselves to be liked.

    If I had been Rudolph, I would've shot and killed those damn reindeer and Christmas would be completely different today. I would've killed Santa, too, for being such a pussy in the first place and not sticking up for me.

    Be glad I wasn't born Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. There'd be no Christmas then. Instead, I would've called it "Rudolph's Sweet Revenge."

    I wonder how many other Christmas songs can piss me off. I bet there's a ton of them and I just don't even know it yet.

    Wednesday, December 14, 2005

    Published!...

    I submitted an account of Jack's birth to BabyZone and it's been published, thanks to ManicMom. I intend on having the new baby's birth story published, as well, once he/she arrives and I'm able to type it out. Many of you have already seen this, but if you haven't, check out this link to it. This is the original story, uncut. You can also see it here in this blog, from what feels like ages ago. I've been told that it will be a feature story in a couple of weeks, but it will have to be cut down for purposes of length. I will say that the moments leading up to his arrival weren't easy, but the benefits of having him in my life have quickly outweighed the scary parts preceding his birth.

    I can honestly admit that if I hadn't written about the details shortly afterward, I probably would've forgotten many of the "finer" things I'd experienced. It's true that having a child changes everything. It even makes you forget about your own pain.

    And in a few months, I'll be doing it all over again. Hopefully, this ride isn't as bumpy as the first one was. I know more now and almost wish I'd done this stuff when I was young, stupid, and fearless. I am glad, however, that I'd waited to start a family. I'll be 34 next month and I can be a better Mother now than I could've ten years ago. I'm in a much better place in my life, all around.

    "Mama" is one of the many hats I wear, but it is the one I'm most proud of wearing.

    Tuesday, December 13, 2005

    I Received My Performance Review Today...

    I won't bore you with the details of my performance review in an effort to not gloat, but I will tell you that I received the highest rating possible, a Superior. Duh.

    I expect no less from myself. I set my own personal expectations very high, not just as a teacher but also as a human being. I also set my expectations high for my students, as well.

    People, myself included, are like dogs. They will do what you expect them to do and they will rise to meet those expectations every single day. If we set our own personal standards high, others will follow our examples.

    Not only do my students exceed the state reading standards, they do it because I expect them to do it. It's that simple. The education systems in this country need more teachers who are willing to go that extra mile, leading by example. Yeah, we don't always have the "cream of the crop" students, but we do have standards to set and some of us are their biggest influences. And it is possible, even with the neediest of children. Kids will only do what they think you'll accept. If you make yourself a strong presence in their lives, they know their achievements matter to you. And they will try to make you proud of them.

    I'm proud of myself for my fabulous personal report card because I've worked hard to earn it. For that, I can gloat. My work, however, is never truly done, though. There will be more "superior" ratings to follow this most recent one that I've been given. And I am proud of the work that I do. That is what makes me a better teacher than some.

    You'd want me to be your kid's teacher. I earn my paycheck, unlike some in the public school system for which I work.

    Monday, December 12, 2005

    The Moment You've All Been Waiting For...


    Our Official Christmas 2005 Family Photo! Posted by Picasa

    Sunday, December 11, 2005

    Eleven Hours Of Sleep Later...

    Baby Jack fell asleep at 7:15pm last night. He didn't wake up until 6:45am this morning and he woke up as a new baby. Sort of.

    Don't get me wrong. He didn't sleep straight through the night. He was wiggly and squirmy and probably woke up a dozen times, but he never stayed fully awake. Most of the time, we were just able to put the nummy back in his mouth (after searching for it in the bed in complete darkness) and he would go right back to sleep. He did, however, try to crawl over my body at times, too. All in all, he slept...like an overgrown Chocolate Lab.

    By the time Hubby got home from work last night, Jack was out like a light. And then I fell asleep next to him, so I didn't see Hubby much either. That boy wore me out yesterday. I'm hoping today is not a repeat of yesterday. I don't really know how to package a baby to mail him to the North Pole.

    Later on today, my brother (hopefully Mom and Dad, too) will be coming by to take pictures of us (Hubby, Jack, Java, and me) so we can put one in our Christmas cards this year. It ought to be fun, I think. We've already picked out Jack's picture outfit, so that's one step out of the way. Hubby cleaned out the dresser in our spare room, where we change Jackaroo and where he falls asleep at night before we bring him upstairs. Now the drawers are full of current clothing and they're in order. We've been meaning to do that, but just hadn't gotten around to it until today. It's much more user-friendly now. That means we can actually find things that fit Jack and not have to tear it all apart searching for wearable clothing. Hubby counted 27 bibs. Yeesh. We've got problems.

    Right now, Baby Jack is napping contently. He fell asleep at around 9:45am, so I just might get two hours alone. Of course, now that I've written that, he may surprise me and only sleep less than an hour so I'd better get this post done just in case. I think he slept a little over an hour, napwise, yesterday. That's not his norm, so I'm hoping today he gets himself back on track. It would be nice to not have to poke my own eyes out with a dinner fork. Again.

    I hope your Sunday is a peaceful one. We got more snow yesterday evening. I'm not sure how much, but I know it was enough to be shovel-worthy. Don't look at me...I don't shovel...at least, not while pregnant. Hee, hee! Last winter, I was pregnant, too, so I've gotten out of snow duty two years in a row. Yea, me!

    Do you hear that? I think I hear a cup of hot cocoa with extra marshmallows calling my name right about now. I have nothing pressing that needs to be done, so I'm just going to chill out (no pun intended) and wait for my Baby Jack Duty to begin all over again. It's going to be a lovely Sunday, if I've got any choice in the matter. Sleep, baby, sleep...so Mama can regroup and recuperate from yesterday's battles. I'm still licking my wounds, if you haven't noticed.

    Enjoy your day!

    Saturday, December 10, 2005

    Who IS This Child?...

    Who IS this child who is making me contemplate poking my own eyes out with a fork?

    Who IS this child who is bringing me to the brink of sanity?

    Who IS this child who demands to be held and bounced to sleep for sometimes more than an hour? The past few days, he's been awful trying to get to sleep. Ask Hubby. We're about to lose our minds.

    Who IS this child who is so unhappy that nothing can make the world turn correctly in his eyes? So he bounces the world off its axis in an effort to make it turn his way.

    Who IS this child who makes me want to tremble and hide in a dark corner naked with a bottle of whiskey and a revolver?

    Who IS this child who is resisting every single one of our efforts to lull him to sleep lately? And when he finally succumbs to Mr. Sandman, he ends up getting up, fully awake in the middle of the night, an hour later?

    Who IS this child who looks up at me and smiles when he knows I'm seconds away from losing my ever-loving mind?

    Who IS this child who makes me want to go back to my selfish, single, devil-may-care ways?

    Who IS this child who's as happy as he could ever be when I'm about to throw in the towel?

    Who IS this child who looks at me with pure love and pure hate in his eyes at the same time? Don't kid yourself about the hateful looks; he has them and he can give them better than anyone I know. He reminds me of someone I see in the mirror every morning.

    Who IS this child who cannot be consoled, to the point that I throw my hands up in the air, but not before putting him down first?

    Who IS this child who makes me feel like a success and a failure in the same breath?

    Who IS this child who cannot make up his mind about what he wants at any given moment? Sleep, food, dry diaper, playtime, or a knuckle sandwich?

    Who IS this child who's as docile as can be when other people are around, but turns into Satan's Spawn the second he realizes it's just the two of us?

    Who IS this child who can put fear, happiness, perspective, and worry into my world all at the same time?

    Who IS this child who can make a grizzly bear cower and run for cover?

    Who IS this child who makes everyone think he's the best baby in the world at all times, when we know otherwise?

    Who IS this child who can wrap everyone he meets around his little finger?

    I'll tell you who he is...today, he's my son. Tomorrow, he's going to live with Santa at the North Pole if he doesn't stop this fussiness. And coal is looking mighty good in his Christmas stocking right about now.

    Keep it up, Mr. Fussypants. Keep it up and you'll go far...as far as I can throw you.

    *Sidenote: I'm not really a bad mother. I'm just frustrated today. And, no, I'm not sitting around naked with a bottle of whiskey and a gun in my hand. Really, I'm not...heh.

    Friday, December 09, 2005

    It's A Jammies Day...

    I stayed home today because I'm still quite sore from my root canal yesterday. I didn't sleep well, either. Jack was extremely restless and wide awake at odd hours, so Mr. Sandman didn't really show up at my house last night.

    We've got seven inches of snow on the ground, too. That helped cement the decision to stay home.

    It's a pajama day at the Eatmisery household today. I need to make sure I get some quality naps in while the baby sleeps. Hubby is home today, but he'll be out running errands soon. I think I'll try to catch some zzzzz's while he's gone.

    At my house, you have to sleep while you can because you never know when you will be able to again. It's the joy of having a baby, really. And I just can't wait until the next one keeps me up all night, too. Maybe they both can tag team and take turns keeping us awake, or maybe they can both keep us awake at the same time. If no root canals are involved, I think I'll be able to deal with it better. If root canals are involved, however, I'm going to have to call in the big guns...My Sister.

    At least I have the weekend to recuperate from the root canal. I hate those damn things, really. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes the tunnel has twists and turns and you can't always see the light right away. Does that make sense to you at all? Well, that's how I feel today...like I'm wearing dark sunglasses in a dark room. I hope your day is better.

    Thursday, December 08, 2005

    The Endodontist Is My Friend...

    I had a very good visit with my endodontist today. He did my root canal and was as pleasant as ever. He explained everything he was doing and assured me no harm would come to my fetus during anything he did. I felt better just being there. And the novocaine helped, too.

    I had a root canal done on the molar on my lower left side that's just in front of my wisdom tooth. My wisdom teeth have never come in yet and there's a very good reason why. They're growing sideways, toward my teeth. Yeesh. I'll save that endeavor for another time when I feel up to it. (Translation: When they hurt me, I'll have them pulled.)

    I'm sore right now, but I'm not throbbing. The novocaine wore off a long, long time ago, but I'm not dying. Apparently, I had an infection that was in my jaw and I didn't even know it. I didn't even start hurting until Monday night, so I was very surprised at this discovery. Yeah, it was the tooth I broke on vacation this past June, but I didn't think something like this would happen so quickly. I had only broken off a corner of it, but it was enough to let all hell break loose on the inside. The crazy thing is...I wasn't swollen. The dentist was surprised that I wasn't swollen considering the size of the infection underneath. He said that people usually walk in looking like they have balloons in their mouths when they have it this bad. I, apparently, didn't swell because there was an outlet...the break in the tooth. Go figure. Pregnancies sure can do a number on your teeth. Yeesh.

    I tried to nap, but all I could do was lie in bed for two hours. My body just didn't want to sleep, even though my head knew I should've been doing just that. Oh well. Life goes on, I guess. The main thing is that I'm sore, but not in excruciating pain like before. I have a temporary filling in place and no more nerves in that tooth, so I have to get a permanent filling in there and a crown, as well. It's not something I need to do next week, I can do it in a month. For that, I'll be going back to my old dentist, not the dirty guy I saw yesterday. THAT was an experience, but pain will lead you to be desperate at times.

    Right now, Baby Jack is napping and it's snowing like crazy outside. We're expected to get about six inches of snow this time. Woo-hoo! I like it as long as it's pretty and white, not dirty or yellow. And the silence outside is incredible. That's the best part of a killer snowfall...the silence of it all. I just keep sweeping off my back stairs because that's all I'll ever do when it comes to snow. Plus, I like to keep them snow-free so that it doesn't get tracked into the house at all. Snow is not good for hardwood floors. Duh.

    So, off I go to finish making my tortellini. Thanks for sending that, Mom. It'll be so easy to eat it without chewing at all. And I'll make hot cocoa later and watch the snow fall endlessly and peacefully. I'll contemplate calling in sick at work for tomorrow, too. It all depends how sore I am and how well I can sleep tonight.

    It's been a good day. Any day without shooting pains in your jaw is a good one, really. I hope your day has been good, too.

    P.S. I'm exactly nineteen weeks pregnant today, almost halfway through it. And Baby Jack is exactly ten months old today. I love being a Mama.

    Wednesday, December 07, 2005

    Welcome To My Nightmare...

    So, yeah...I went to my (new) dentist today. It was the first time I'd gone to him ever. I'd chosen him based on his proximity to our house. Big mistake.

    The place was fucking filthy. I'm. Not. Kidding. I wouldn't even send my enemies there. It, more or less, looked like it was a cover-up for something else.

    The dentist never washed his hands. The place smelled like pee. The floor hadn't been washed in months, not to mention the used rubber glove on the floor. Ewwwwww...

    Am I going back there? Fuck no. All he did was refer me to an endodontist (I need a root canal that I'm getting tomorrow morning somewhere else) and prescribe some antibiotics and Tylenol 3 (the Tylenol 3 was against my OB's wishes). Yeah, I filled the script for the Tylenol 3 just to have it in the house, but I'll be damned if I take any of it. Duh.

    The place I was referred to is beautiful. I'll be happy there. I went there just to make sure it didn't suck ass or smell. Now that I know it's a lovely place, I won't be as freaked out tomorrow when I go.

    So, that was my day, so far. Half-day at work. Dentist that sucks ass and smells like it, too. Throbbing that won't go away until I get this root canal taken care of tomorrow morning. Half-hour wait at Walgreens for my meds. You get the picture.

    Wish me luck. From now on, I'm going back to my old dentist. He's a little further away, but I don't care. He did me no harm and no wrong; I'd only switched because the location of the dirty dentist was so close to home. Had I known he was so dirty, I never would've switched in the first place.

    I've learned a valuable lesson today: The closest choice isn't always the best one.

    Tuesday, December 06, 2005

    Owwwww...

    I have a toothache. It started hurting last night after dinner, and then I wasn't able to sleep much last night because of it. It could be the molar I broke when we were on vacation in June or it could be the molar next to it, which has been root canaled to hell several times already or it could be both. Either way, I'm in pain and it sucks the fat one. I have read, though, that if you're pregnant, it's best to get dental emergencies out of the way in the second trimester, which is where I am.

    I called the dentist (who is within walking distance from my home) and I have to call back tomorrow to set up an appointment, probably for that day. The dentist is only at that particular location on Mondays and Wednesdays, so I either go tomorrow or I wait several more days. I don't think this can wait considering I barely slept at all last night due to the throbbing. I swear, it felt like labor, maybe even worse. It's been a long time since I've had a toothache.

    So, tomorrow I'll probably be going to the place I hate the most, but at least I won't hurt anymore, hopefully. I feel awful, so anything is better than this right now.

    Wish me luck. I'm allergic to mouth pain and dentists' offices, so I might freak out. I know I have to go because now my ear hurts, so whatever it is, it's not good. Let there be some relief in sight...soon. I don't like this constant throbbing.

    And I desperately need some sleep...

    Mouth pain sucks.

    Monday, December 05, 2005

    It's Official...


    Ahhh...'tis the season! Posted by Picasa

    The tree went up last night, although it didn't happen as I'd predicted it would. There was no hot cocoa, but there was a very fussy baby involved. Jack actually wound up going to sleep at 9 p.m. and we were able to decorate the tree then. Blondie and Hubby put the tree together while I did the Mommy Bounce with Jack to get him to fall asleep. Yes, we're still doing the Mommy Bounce. Once that was accomplished, the tree was bedecked with what seemed like hundreds of unbreakable ornaments and three hundred lights.

    Honestly, I'm just glad it's over. I feel like that every year because I dread taking all the decorations down (around the house and on the tree) when the holiday season is over. It's just one more thing to do, I guess.

    Until then, I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it because it only happens once a year. Perhaps next year, Jack won't be fussy when we deck the halls. I'm guessing, though, that the next member of the Eatmisery clan will be, however.

    Hmmm...maybe my prediction will be wrong again. A girl can dream, can't she?

    Happy Holidays from our house to yours!

    Sunday, December 04, 2005

    Waxing Nostalgia...

    This time last year, Hubby and I were still pregnant with Baby Jack and we were looking ahead to what Christmas this year would be like. I remember anticipating decorating the Christmas tree with Baby Jack in our arms, drinking hot cocoa, and listening to Christmas music while decorating. I also remember being a little sad at the "end" of our Christmases alone, as a couple. Let me tell you, now that we have a son, I don't miss "alone" Christmases one bit. I'm enjoying my full house and the reality that it will be a little fuller next Christmas with our new addition to the family, which will arrive this coming May.

    Well, this year is here. Tonight, we'll be doing just as we predicted and I'm overjoyed at the endless possibilities this evening will hold for us. Maybe next year, Baby Jack can put the star at the top of the tree. This year, he'd probably only want to stick it in his mouth and chew on it, so we're not going to give him that duty just yet.

    Last night, my parents and my brother came by to pick up their Christmas tree, which we store in our workshop every year for them. They also helped to bring ours into our living room for us. We have an artificial tree now, although we used to have real ones for several years until I broke out in a rash one year and threw out the idea of ever doing a "real" one again. It's a nice tree, full and realistic, so I don't regret not buying a fresh one every year. I miss the smell of a fresh tree in the house, but I don't miss having to water it every damn day so that the needles don't stick in our socks and stab our feet everywhere we go. We all know that Christmas tree needles end up everywhere in the house, so this is something I enjoy the absence of at this time of year.

    We have all unbreakable ornaments, too, except for a few. That's the best part. No dogs and no child can be harmed by coming into our house and messing around with the Christmas tree. It's a major plus. The few breakable ones that I do have always go at the top of the tree so they don't get broken (duh).

    I hope this evening is a lovely one for us. We've waited patiently for this time of year and this date to come. It is our first Christmas tree decorating endeavor with our son. Yeah, there will be so many more to come, but the first one is always the most special. We've waited for this moment for a very long time and I am anxious for the evening to arrive. This is when our own family traditions will start and this is when I will cry like a baby because I'm so happy that I have my own little family right where I want them to be.

    Home is where your heart is, and my heart will always be with my family. Tonight, one of my dreams will be coming true and I'm getting teary just thinking about it. Home is such a lovely place for me to be right now. And next Christmas, we'll have two little ones to decorate for...and Baby Jack will, no doubt, be helping us.

    What a great day it is to live in this house...

    Saturday, December 03, 2005

    Our Sexy New TV...

    Yes, a television CAN be sexy, especially if it's a 42" flatscreen plasma with HDTV. Yep...you guessed it. It's ours. In fact, it's one of Hubby's Christmas presents. Don't get me wrong, though. We are not made of money at all. It's not that we can afford such an extravagant entertainment item. It's just that "Finding Nemo" is going to look sooooooo much better now. And wouldn't you want the best for your kids?

    Hubby figured out a way to buy it, so it's in our finished basement/family room and we are enjoying the hell out of it. It was delivered on Monday morning, after Linus was found and I forgot to post about it. I'm forgetting to post about a lot of stuff, but you can blame my pregnancy brain for that. Of course, it didn't come with a small price tag. Hubby is selling some of his precious sports memorabilia on eBay to pay for it. I was surprised about his choice to sell some of his items to get this over-the-top boob tube, but I sure wasn't going to stop him.

    Who said you have to stop getting yourself toys just because you have kids? As far as I'm concerned, Noggin, Boomerang, and animated DVD's are going to be the ultimate experience for us and our children now that this new item has taken up residence in our humble abode. I say hooray for us!

    The only problem with the TV is that the picture is so crystal clear that everyone on TV is now ugly as hell. You see every single flaw on every single person on this TV. It's disgusting and it makes me violently ill at times. You should see it. You'd never feel the same about Hollywood actors/actresses again. They're butt ugly and no make-up in the world can save them from those of us who see them as they really are. In a way, their ugliness makes me feel so good. It's quite fun to rip on those who make their living hiding behind a pound of make-up and plastic surgeries galore. They get paid to be pretty or handsome and to memorize lines for scenarios that may or may not be real human experiences, yet this television can't hide the fact that they're no prettier and no more handsome than the average Joe walking down the street. Even supermodels look scary on this TV. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, really.

    I'll probably go to hell for feeling and thinking that way, but I don't care. I'm just amused by the fact that I'm prettier than the celebrities and athletes I'm seeing on this screen. I don't get paid for it, but I'm okay with that because I certainly wouldn't want someone like me watching me on TV with a television like mine and tearing me to bits over my ugliness.

    Yeah...my TV is sexy, but the people on it are not. You would probably feel the same as I do if you could see what I see. Yechhhhh! Is the TV worth it? You bet. Every. Single. Penny. Of. It.

    Tom Cruise is not only ugly on the inside, he's worse on the outside. THAT, my friends, is priceless.

    Friday, December 02, 2005

    Nice & Easy...

    Today was an easy day for me. I gave a test to my classes, so I pretty much didn't have to be "on" at all. I love test days. The kids hate them, but I love them.

    When I got home, Hubby was already putting Baby Jack down for his nap. For once, I didn't have to do it when I came home.

    So, yeah...my day has been easy, so far. According to Hubby, Jack was fussing all day long, so there's no telling what my evening will be like. For now, I'm going to enjoy this peace and quiet. It's cold outside; the house is warm. I'll be in my jammies in no time. I'm just going to relax and enjoy what's mine.

    I hope everyone else's day was as uneventful as mine. I'm not complaining. It's the perfect start to the snowy weekend ahead. Hot cocoa sounds really good right about now. I'll put in a marshmallow or two for you.

    P.S. The only thing that might throw a wrench into this perfect little day I'm having is this damn computer. For some reason, my browser looks different, my bookmarks are missing, my toolbar history is gone, and I'm unable to comment on some of my favorite blogs because the pop-up comment windows are being blocked. I have to ask Hubby and/or Blondie what the hell they did to this thing. It's driving me nuts.

    Thursday, December 01, 2005

    Let It Snow...

    Oh, happy day! Today was the first day of significant snowfall in the city of Chicago and I couldn't be happier. By "significant," I mean "measurable." It might be only one inch (at best), but it's still going to make the news and the papers. Believe me, this is the start of much, much more to come. I have a feeling it's going to be a long winter.

    I was thinking last night about how this is my first Christmas as a mother. Sure, I was a mother last year, but Jack still wasn't outside of my womb, so this really is my first one as a Mom. How exciting! We'll also get to decorate the Christmas tree with Jackaroo, too. He'll be amazed at the transformation of the house for the holidays.

    With Christmas, comes the reminder that I'll be 34 next month, near the end of January. Jack will be one year old at the beginning of February, just days after Hubby and I celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary. This is a busy time of year for all of us now. It amazes me how fast time flies.

    I used to be cool. Now, I'm waaaaayyyyyyy cooler; I'm a Mom.