In exactly three weeks, I will be going back to work. You can guess that I'm pretty blue about it. I've been at home since April 8th, which was the first day of my Spring Break, and also the day Baby Liv was born. Since I'm a teacher, I had the whole summer off anyway, but that's no consolation. I'm leaving my babies, not just one, but two.
I suppose it was harder to go back to work after Baby Jack was born because I'd been home seven months and he was my firstborn. However, going back to work this time around is just as hard because I'm exclusively breastfeeding Baby Liv. We have a bond no one else can match. And it makes me sad to think that I'm trading part of it in for a paycheck.
Before you ask, the answer is no; I can't afford to be a stay-at-home Mom. We need my income. I wish I could stay home, though, but it just isn't feasible. And it breaks my heart to leave. If you've ever been in that situation, you totally understand what I'm feeling. If you haven't, then you should count your blessings.
A very, very tiny part of me is okay with going back to work because I'll only be gone seven hours a day, travel time included. Plus, I'll have something else to do outside of the walls of my house, something I did before I was ever a Mother. It'll be nice to see some of my colleagues again. I suppose it'll make coming home that much sweeter. Yeah...I'm soooooo trying to convince myself to feel better about it all.
Now, I have to pump my milk and stockpile it so that Baby Liv can reap the benefits of having nothing but Mama milk. I don't want to go the formula route, so I'm going to do my best to make this happen. I even contacted one of my favorite lactation consultants, Kim, at my hospital for advice on the best times for me to pump. I tried pumping a few times the other day and got very little milk. I, of course, cried. I called Kim to ask how I could possibly create a stockpile and be able to nurse Baby Liv at her usual times. She said the key was to trick my body into thinking that I had to produce more. She gave me the best times to pump and I'm going to try it. Of course, that means nursing Baby Liv at her usual 4:30am and pumping afterward, as well. And pumping again after her next feeding. She said if I did that everyday until I have to go back to work, I'll need a bigger freezer to accommodate all the milk I'll have in it. I may even try pumping before I nurse her at times, just to make sure I can save enough milk. Baby Liv will never be hungry; she can extract milk way better than any breastpump can. Kim said it takes about 72 hours before I'll notice the difference in my supply. Melissa
has also been a great help to me, as well. Thanks, ladies!
So, that's the plan right now. Pump my brains out in the early and mid morning and save it for D-day. If you haven't figured out by now what I mean by "D-day," the "D" stands for "Depression."
On top of it all, I've also had my first visit from Aunt Flo this morning (my period, duh) since Baby Liv was born. And I had to run around trying to find a tampon, too, since it's been a year since I've had a period. I'm a fucking wreck, I tell ya. I'm blaming all the fenugreek tea I've been drinking to increase my milk supply (even though Kim says I don't need to drink it since there's nothing wrong with my supply). After all, it did say that it would cause uterine cramping, however I didn't expect to get my period from it. Maybe it was caused by the advent of pumping milk. I don't know. It's also made my piss and sweat smell like maple syrup. Gah! I guess I better tell my niece not to drink the tea that's in the fridge. It might cause her to lactate and
Somebody give me a winning lottery ticket worth millions, please.