Comments from the Peanut Gallery

Taking one day at a time...

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  • Saturday, February 28, 2009

    Hey, Lady!...

    Excuse me, Miss? Could you please not wear this again? It's not flattering in the least bit and, frankly, it scares me. Thank you.

    Friday, February 27, 2009

    Let's Pretend...

    I seriously don't know what to write about right now. I'm staring at this blank screen and filling it with words. I don't normally get writer's block, but for some reason, I have it right now.

    So, on that note, I'm going to let you go about your business and you can pretend you read something interesting here today.

    That is all.

    Thursday, February 26, 2009

    In A Van Down By The River...

    Doesn't this little girl remind you of Chris Farley? Poor thing.

    Wednesday, February 25, 2009

    Didja Know?...

    Kill fleas instantly.. . Dawn Dishwashing Liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas.

    Rainy day cure for dog odor: Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

    Did you know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers?

    Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

    Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 tablespoon horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil for instant relief for aching muscles.

    Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

    Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the product was never been advertised for this use.

    Honey remedy for skin blemishes... cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

    Listerine therapy for toenail fungus: Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine Mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

    Easy eyeglass prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

    Smart splinter remover: Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

    Hunt's Tomato Paste boil cure...cover the boil with Hunt's Tomato Paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

    Balm for broken disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine, a powerful antiseptic.

    Vinegar to heal bruises...soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

    Quaker Oats for fast pain relief... it's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

    Which remedy are YOU going to try first?

    Tuesday, February 24, 2009

    He's Perfect To Me...

    Jack had his four-year check-up yesterday, which many of you may know I was dreading.

    In a nutshell, Jack did great. He gained five pounds and five inches since last year! Yay! The doctor, however, was an asshole. He doesn't know Jack from Adam. He won't split up the MMR for us, refused to give Jack any kind of medicine for his cough/congestion, and didn't believe me when I told him Jack can spell.

    Jack did great, but still wouldn't do what the doctor told him to do, so as far as the doctor knows from what limited time he saw him, Jack appeared retarded, for lack of a better word. The dr didn't say that, but he might as well have. Jack doesn't like the guy, so he's not going to perform for him. That's the bottom line. Plus, he was loud and bombarding my son with twenty questions and not letting him answer any of them. If he knew Jack, he would've known that Jack doesn't respond to that kind of battery. And he looked at me like I was crazy when I told him that Jack can spell.

    He told me to go to a public health clinic to see if they will split up the vaccine. If you know anything about Chicago, you'll know that all those clinics are in poor and dangerous areas, NOT where I live. I checked the phone book for the nearest public health clinics and none of them are in my area. If I lived in the fucking ghetto and was used to dodging bullets, it wouldn't be a problem.

    Needless to say, I'm looking for a new pediatrician. The only other one that is covered by our insurance at this hospital is his partner. And it's too late to change hospitals because I can only do it in November.

    I am NOT happy about today. Jack did great; he tolerated the elevator just fine, let the dr listen to his heart and check his ears, and only cried when the guy wanted to look in his mouth. The dr was a dick, so I'm going to fire him. I guess now that he's built up his clientele, he doesn't need to care about them anymore. He only likes the "perfect" kids anyway.

    Monday, February 23, 2009

    How I Roll...

    I'm hoping that Jack is not a complete bear for his doctor appointment at 11am. Of course, he's sick now (AGAIN, for the third time in a little over a month!), so I don't even want him to get ANY vaccines at all until he's better.

    We've been "practicing" some of the things the doctor will ask him to do, like checking his ears, listening to his heart with a stethoscope, and opening his mouth to say, "Ahh." It's important to me to set him up for some success, especially since he doesn't like his doctor, hates small rooms with closed doors, and doesn't like to be put on the spot (which is what happens when he goes). Partner all of that with a kid who's sick and you have a recipe for disaster. I'm trying to think positively, though. We've practiced the motions/requests and I'm hoping that these "social scripts" can help him get through it all.

    I just hate that a man he sees once or twice a year thinks he knows my son or what's best for him. If he really knew Jack, then Jack wouldn't be so afraid of him. And maybe I wouldn't be so afraid of going there, too.

    So, we're going to walk in happy and hope for the best. Who knows? Maybe Jack will be fine; maybe the doctor will not think I'm crazy; and maybe the whole thing will turn out better than I ever expected.

    I'm thinkin' positive. 'Cuz that's how I roll.

    Sunday, February 22, 2009

    NOT Looking Forward To Tomorrow...

    As you already know, I am NOT looking forward to Jack's doctor appointment tomorrow. Click on the above image (to enlarge it so you can read it) and you'll understand why. If you know our history, you totally get what I'm saying. Gah!

    Saturday, February 21, 2009

    You Go, Girl!...

    Can you believe that this has been invented? I wonder how many are being sold. Here is an explanation of what it is exactly, taken from their website:

    Ok, so what’s a GoGirl?

    Simply put, GoGirl is the way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant or non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination device (sometimes called a FUD) that allows you to urinate while standing up. It’s neat. It’s discreet. It’s hygienic.

    GoGirl is easy to use. Just lower your panties, and put GoGirl against your body, forming a seal. Aim and, well, pee. Pretty simple, huh?

    GoGirl fits easily in your purse, pocket, or glove compartment. It’s a must for travel and sports. And it’s great for everyday––no more crouching over or trying to cover up an unsanitary public toilet.

    While the concept may be new to you, European women have used female urination devices for years. GoGirl’s not the first device of its kind. But try it. And we think you’ll agree it’s easily the best.

    Only GoGirl is made with flexible, medical grade silicone. Dispose of it after use. Or clean and reuse as you like. (Urine is sterile, but the product can come into contact with contaminates during use, so take precautions when cleaning.) Our patented splash guard eliminates messing and spilling. Once you practice a time or two, using a GoGirl is going to feel like second nature. You won’t be like a man. You’ll just pee like one.

    My goodness! I'm not really sure how I feel about something like this. I do know, however, that I would never buy one; it's just not for me. What do YOU think of it?

    Friday, February 20, 2009


    Nadye Suleman, the woman with the fourteen children, is mentally deranged and could use a psychiatric evaluation. Why else would she have this many children knowing she has no way to support them, no home to provide them, and no means of ever having any of that happen? She's sick in the head if she thinks that "God will take care of them."
    What I want to know is why haven't Children and Family Services done anything about this?

    Thursday, February 19, 2009

    Silent...For Now...

    Jack's four-year check-up is this coming Monday. I am dreading it because I know he's supposed to get another round of vaccines, particularly the MMR. You might remember this post about the fever he got (his first one EVER) right after that shot, this post about how fevers scare me, and finally this post about his ER visit because of that damned vaccine.

    I don't trust the MMR. I never did after that experience when he was fifteen months old. My plan is to have Jack get three separate shots a month apart each, just to be safe and have peace of mind. I don't know if his pediatrician will go along with it, but I'm going to push it...HARD.

    After Jack's MMR, he lost his language skills. It was months of four different kinds of therapy before he got them back. Of course, this event had also coincided with Liv's birth, so he could've regressed because she was born and it was a huge change in his life. I'll never know. I do not, however, think that fever was a coincidence. He'd been perfectly healthy before he'd gotten that fucking shot. And after that, he'd put up an invisible wall that took months to make a dent in and years to tear down. Never being labeled by any professional as "autistic," only being referred to as suffering from "anxiety" and sensory processing disorder. I don't think it's a coincidence that the MMR was the catalyst in all this.

    All I can do is be my son's biggest advocate and hope that next Monday goes as I plan. Jack hates going to the doctor and really only sees him once or twice a year, at most. They barely know each other and we all know how Jack is around strange men in a small room with a closed door. Terror is the only word that comes to mind.

    If this doctor seems to think I've flown the coop and am out of my mind, then I'll have no choice but to find another doctor for Jack. Unfortunately, this doctor and his partner are the only ones under our insurance plan at this particular hospital. Finding a new doctor won't be easy or cheap. If he just accepts my wishes, then we won't have a problem. It's not that I'm refusing any vaccines; I just want them spread out because I think it's too much for Jack to handle all at once. Is that so wrong?

    So, until next Monday, I'm going to be silently dreading this. After all, I don't want the boy to pick up on my vibe. He already hates going to the doctor. I don't want to compound his anxiety with my own. Silent, I am...until I see his doctor.

    Wednesday, February 18, 2009


    This woman in East L.A. said she voted for Obama five times. She's going to stand on that telephone with her pants off until her man Obama gives her her stimulus check and starts making her mortgage payments like he say he would!
    The extremes people will go to...

    Tuesday, February 17, 2009

    The Shit...

    This. Stuff. Is. The. Shit.
    If you're a fan of dark chocolate, like I am, then you'll love this stuff. For me, the darker the chocolate is, the better. I like it just this side of bitter, really. My Mom got a mixture of three different kinds for me for Valentine's Day and I think I'm in love with this particular one.
    I'm thinking of all the things I can make with this...cookies, shave it onto vanilla ice cream, brownies, etc. The possibilities are endless!
    Eighty-six percent cacao should be illegal because this has made me feel way too good!

    Monday, February 16, 2009


    I just ate a ham sandwich. Does this mean I'm a pig?

    Sunday, February 15, 2009

    ID Ten T Error...

    I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year
    old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to
    come over.

    Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

    As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

    He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

    I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID
    ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

    Richard grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

    "No," I replied.

    "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

    So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

    I used to like the little shit.

    Saturday, February 14, 2009

    Lessons In Blogging...

    I have gone out of my mind. I've done it. I've taken the risk and it turns out it was a good one.

    I've taught my students how to blog.

    In class, we created our own blogs for school purposes, uploaded photos, and learned how to link to other students' blogs, so far. I have all their URL's and passwords, just in case I need to shut them down for being inappropriate. They go to my school blog to see their daily writing/blogging assignments. For example, on Wednesday, they uploaded a photo depicting something in nature and wrote a haiku about it. By having links to all the other students in their sidebars, they were able to view each other's work and comment on it. Very cool, indeed.

    I never thought I'd do it. I thought it would be a bust. Instead, what I got was extremely engaged students actively learning about something very cool. And I was able to take something I love doing and create some very meaningful lessons for them that we'll be able to build on in the future.

    Whoever said you couldn't have fun while learning obviously never stepped into my class.

    Friday, February 13, 2009

    Pumpkin Spice Playdough...

    Jack's former speech therapist gave me this recipe and I'm thinking of making it for the kids. I would probably cut the amount in half, though. It just sounds so easy and fun. She also told me that it has a side effect of making you really hungry. Heh.

    5 1\2 Cups Flour
    2 Cups Salt
    8 teaspoons Cream of Tartar
    3\4 Cup Oil
    1 Container (1 1\2 ounces) Pumpkin Pie Spice (although I used one small tub of cinnamon and 1/2 a tub of nutmeg for our batch instead)
    Orange Food Coloring (2 parts yellow, 1 part red)
    4 Cups Water

    Mix all of the ingredients together. Cook and stir over medium heat until all lumps appear. Knead the dough on a floured surface until smooth. Keep in the fridge in a Ziploc bag.

    Thursday, February 12, 2009

    I've Always Hated The Name "Peggy"...

    Thanks, Sue! This made me laugh so hard! You made my day!

    Wednesday, February 11, 2009

    A Snail's Pace...

    Okay, so we're ALL sick now, Hubby included. This is NOT good. We're all moving at a snail's pace and I'm trying to figure out how we're all going to get better without passing The Plague back to one another.

    This is no easy task.

    So, we're going to rest, drink plenty of fluids, and pass out whenever we can. Seriously, all FOUR of us sick at the same time? There should be a law against that.

    Tuesday, February 10, 2009


    The Plague has fallen upon our house. The kids are sick and now I am again, too. My throat is killing me. Didn't I just get over a fucking cold? Jack looks like a circus clown because his face is all chapped from his runny nose. He's got a cough now, too. Livie is getting better, though. She's definitely got her spunk back, but she's still not 100%.

    Jack and I are not happy about The Plague. And we're just waiting to see if Papa gets it, too. We just can't seem to get rid of this! Gah!

    Monday, February 09, 2009

    Three Men On A Hike...

    Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging,
    Violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:

    "God, please give me the strength to cross the river."

    Poof!... God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim
    Across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

    After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please give me strength
    And the tools to cross the river."

    Poof!... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he
    Was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

    Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river."

    Poof!... He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

    Sunday, February 08, 2009

    My Boy...

    Four years ago today, you came into my life and gave me a new title...Mama. I have learned so much from you, because of you, for you. I watch you fall asleep every night, holding your hand as you drift off, excited that I get to see you again in the morning. If it weren't for you, Jack, I wouldn't be who I am right now.

    You are my boy, my love, my world. You make every minute exciting, teaching me things I forgot I ever knew. I knew you well before you were born and our bond was instant once I got to hold you. I never thought I'd love someone so much; you and Livie are the highlights of all my days.

    I would move mountains for you, fight raging fires for you, and will protect you from the evils of this world for the rest of your life. I am your Mama and you are my son. Together, we make a great team. No one in this world knows you better than I do.

    Your radiant smile, your infectious laugh, your strong hugs...they all make me feel so alive, so loved, so complete. You love everyone in your family and you show us how much every single day. You definitely keep us all on our toes, too!

    I love you, Jack! I can't believe you're four years old now! It seems like it was only minutes ago that you were born. I don't know where all that time went, but I sure am glad that I've been able to spend it with you. You make my heart feel super happy!

    Happy Birthday, Son!

    Saturday, February 07, 2009

    A Young Cowboy...

    A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Halfway through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.

    He calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

    "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

    "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

    So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

    About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

    "So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

    "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

    "Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

    "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

    The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

    When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

    "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing' around with that little redhead who lives in town?"

    The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that darn dog before he talks to your Mother!"

    "I sure did, Dad!"

    "That's my boy!"

    The kid went on to be a successful lawyer, and then he went on to become the Governor of Illinois .

    Friday, February 06, 2009


    This incident has been confirmed by Snopes.

    In Katy, Texas, a man came over and offered his services as a painter to a female putting gas in her car and left his card. She said no, but accepted his card out of kindness and got in the car. The man then got into a car driven by another gentleman. As the lady left the service station, she saw the men following her out of the station at the same time. Almost immediately, she started to feel dizzy and could not catch her breath. She tried to open the window and realized that the odor was on her hand; the same hand which accepted the card from the gentleman at the gas station.

    She then noticed the men were immediately behind her and she felt she needed to do something at that moment. She drove into the first driveway and began to honk her horn repeatedly to ask for help. The men drove away but the lady still felt pretty bad for several minutes after she could finally catch her breath. Apparently, there was a substance on the card that could have seriously injured her. This drug is called "BURUNDANGA," and it is used by people who wish to incapacitate a victim in order to steal from or take advantage of them.

    This drug is four times more dangerous than the date rape drug and is transferable on simple cards. So take heed and make sure you don't accept cards at any given time alone or from someone on the streets. This applies to those making house calls and slipping you a card when they offer their services.


    Thursday, February 05, 2009

    Always Appropriate...

    I'd like you to meet Scooter. He's on the ads for Stanley Steemer carpet cleaner service. Believe it or not, I printed an 8X10 of this, attached it to a manila folder on both sides, and labeled it "Bathroom Pass." for my classroom.
    Needless to say, I get funny looks every time a kid wants to use the bathroom because they know they have to carry that pass around with them. Hey, at least my bathroom pass isn't as bad as the guy next door's. He uses a real toilet seat, lid and all.
    In this job, ya gotta have some fun or you'll go crazy.

    Wednesday, February 04, 2009

    Still Crazy After All These Years...

    Ten years ago today, I married the most amazing man. It was 11:30AM, the sun was shining, and it was a balmy 82 degrees when we eloped in Maui. If I were to relive that day again, I would do everything exactly the same. I've known this man for seventeen years, which is almost half my lifetime. It still feels like I just met him, though. I am happy that we found each other when we did. One apartment, one house, two dogs, four cars, and two children later, I am still madly in love with him.

    Happy 10th Anniversary, Hubby! It still feels like it was only yesterday when I chose to sit down next to you in physics class.

    Tuesday, February 03, 2009

    Jack's New Cool Trick...

    I am pleased to announce that Jack is going pee in the toilet regularly. This past week, he's discovered the joys of peeing in the toilet, the praise it gets him, and the relief of the burden that has weighed so heavily on his shoulders for so long.

    This boy is a thinker. He made going pee in the toilet HIS idea and he ran with it. I would say that about half the time, I'm reminding him that it's time to go. The other half of the time, HE'S telling ME it's time to go. This is a HUGE milestone for a boy with sensory processing disorder.

    Poop is another issue. I'm going to let that one be his idea, too. It seems to be the thing that works the best for him. We plant the seeds and we let him choose his own timetable. Baby steps, people. Baby steps...

    Two weeks ago, he couldn't tell when he needed to go. During the last week, he KNEW when he had to go. This is a BIG step for him. Maybe Livie will follow his lead. She was going on the potty for a little while and then decided she didn't want to because Jack wasn't going. Now that he's taken over, maybe it's just enough incentive for her to hop on board, too.

    This is such a wonderful time for our family! Hip, hip, HOORAY!

    Monday, February 02, 2009

    Buy American...

    John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast in his new
    electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio
    (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with gas (FROM SAUDI ARABIA) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA), John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA.

    Sunday, February 01, 2009

    Need A Good Read?...

    Check out these sites that I found. They have thousands of free online novels you can read. I am so psyched about this!

    Pagebypage, Bibliomania, and PlaneteBook are my favorite sites! I hope you find these helpful if you're interested in reading something, but don't want to buy the book.

    Happy reading!