Comments from the Peanut Gallery

Taking one day at a time...

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  • DO SOMETHING GOOD
  • Tuesday, March 31, 2009

    How Would YOU Fix The Economy?...

    This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday.

    The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the
    Economy?"

    I thought this was the BEST idea. I think this guy nailed it.


    Dear Mr. President,

    Patriotic retirement:
    There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force - pay them $1 million apiece severance with the following stipulations:

    1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

    2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

    3) They either buy a house/pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

    Can't get any easier than that!

    Monday, March 30, 2009

    A New Hiding Place...


    Our dog Java has decided she has a new sleeping arrangement. She's sleeping under the kids' trampoline in our office. Of course, her whole body doesn't fit, but as long as her head does, she thinks she's safe.

    It's good to be Java sometimes.

    Sunday, March 29, 2009

    What To My Wondering Eyes Do Appear...

    I woke up this morning to a snowstorm. WTF!? Um, yeah. Blizzard-like conditions have knocked out my satellite reception, so I guess it's Nemo and princess movies all day long.

    It's going to be a very long day.

    Saturday, March 28, 2009

    The "Middle Wife"...

    The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

    I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

    When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

    Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

    She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

    'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

    She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

    'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

    'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

    'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

    'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

    Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

    Friday, March 27, 2009

    Desitin For Adults...

    I'm wondering if they make Desitin for adults. My ass is killing me from all the diarrhea I've been having. I'm pretty sure the vomiting is over, courtesy of my trusty ginger ale. The shits? Now that's a different story.

    I am so out of commission right now. Ugh.

    Thursday, March 26, 2009

    Sick...

    I believe I have what the kids just got over. I feel like a truck hit me. So, this is it for the day.

    Let's hope it doesn't get any worse.

    Wednesday, March 25, 2009

    Just Trying To Make It Through...

    I saw my OB yesterday and asked him what "full term" meant for me, individually. He says, with most women, full term with twins means 38 weeks. That, however, won't be the case for me. Anyone who knows anything about my previous deliveries knows that they're anything but ideal. Since I've suffered from placental abruption in the past AND it's a risk factor when carrying twins, I could potentially have that problem happen again.

    So...the plan is to get me to 36 weeks, around October 1st. If I can make it that far, all is good. Luckily, I have the summer off. It won't be easy being as big as a house and running around after a 4-year-old and a 3-year old. That's where I have to become a little more Zen than usual. And that, in and of itself, is a chore given my natural temperament. Duh. I don't even want to discuss how I'm going to work throughout September. Bottom line is I have to; we can't afford for me NOT to.

    I'm only eight weeks now and I look like I'm four to five months along already. I can't even imagine how big I'm going to get. Yeesh. Seriously, nothing fits anymore and I'm already in maternity gear.

    October 1st. Mark your calendar. With any luck at all, I'll go the distance. Twenty-eight more weeks and counting...

    Tuesday, March 24, 2009

    Letting It Sink In...

    On Saturday, I had a gush of blood coming from my lady area; no pain or cramping, just a gush. Naturally, I expected it to be the start of a miscarriage. I ran to my OB; he checked me out and ordered an ultrasound at the hospital, where I wound up spending a large part of my day. I figured I'd get to see another heart NOT beating and accepted my fate of having a D&C this week.

    And I couldn't have been more wrong.

    Apparently, my bleeding was caused by my body trying to adjust to this pregnancy because they couldn't find any evidence of any bleeding (in, out, around the uterus) during my ultrasounds (transabdominal and transvaginal). I must've been in that room for over an hour, being looked at and probed. Hubby was with me when we found out the news.

    We are, in fact, having twins. Twins. One had a heart rate of 189bpm and the other was 160bpm, which leads me to believe I may have a boy and a girl in there. And I saw them. Hubby didn't want me to post anything about it, but I don't care. This is the only time in my life when this is going to happen to me. I'm letting the whole fucking world know! Did you happen to notice the change in my top ticker?

    Twins. Let's discuss this, shall we?

    Monday, March 23, 2009

    I Can Hear Something Like This Coming Out Of My Daughter's Mouth...

    A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

    The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

    The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

    The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many."

    The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

    The priest, getting impatient, said "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to reading his book.

    The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, 'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.

    Sunday, March 22, 2009

    My Brain...

    This is a picture of how my brain pretty much works. Confusing, isn't it?

    Saturday, March 21, 2009

    I Smell Like Vomit...

    Both kids are vomiting... a lot. And squirting diarrhea each time they puke. I believe they have the stomach flu, probably caught from our Nanny's daughter who just got over it. Jack started vomiting at 3pm on Thursday and continued the whole night and following morning. He couldn't keep down his Pedialyte, either. Livie complained of a tummy ache Thursday morning and was feverish all day. Finally, on Friday morning, she had diarrhea and shortly thereafter started puking, too.

    So, I smell like vomit. My whole house smells like vomit. Even the dog smells like vomit. I can't get the smell out of anything. Ugh.

    I'm hoping the puking and shitting will stop soon and these kids can get rehydrated again. Otherwise, it's off to the doctor, which they hate. We can't risk dehydration. No one wants to go to the hospital because of that.

    Keep your fingers crossed. My babies are a mess.

    Friday, March 20, 2009

    Norman Rockwell Kicks Ass...

    I've always loved Norman Rockwell's work. This picture reminds me of Livie and how much of a ball breaker she's going to be when she gets older. I can only imagine what the other girl would look like once Livie got through with her. If it's one thing I know, it's that Livie doesn't take shit from anyone. I can't imagine where she gets that from. *Cough*

    Thursday, March 19, 2009

    Change Is Not Always Good...

    You may have heard that Dora the Explorer is getting a makeover in the fall. Instead of looking like the image on the left, she will "grow up" with her fans, into the image on the right. What are your thoughts about this? Personally, I don't like it. Why do Dora's makers feel that Dora needs to grow up with her fan base? Is Diego next?
    What will the kids really think about this? And how mad are they going to be when they see that Backpack is missing from the new Dora?

    Wednesday, March 18, 2009

    Hey, Asshole!...

    Dear Blogger,

    You're an asshole for not letting me upload any pictures to this post. I just wanted you to know that. Had you cooperated, I wouldn't have had to waste my time writing this to you in the first place. Next time, don't be a cunt and you and I will be able to get along just fine. Bitch.

    Sincerely,

    Eatmisery.

    Tuesday, March 17, 2009

    Clogged...

    Okay, so the boy is constipated now. Yesterday, on the way home from work, I bought Miralax, mineral oil, prune juice, Milk of Magnesia, and lollipops (as incentives). I'm hoping one of those will work because I just don't want to go in and get it out, if you know what I mean. The doc also refilled his prescription for Miralax, but not in time for me to pick it up while I was there, so I had to buy the OTC stuff to make sure I had some on hand.

    I'm hoping today will be a productive day for Jack. The weather will be great and maybe, just maybe, he'll move around enough outside to have some sort of explosion from his rear end.

    Keep your fingers crossed! There's nothing worse than a constipated child.

    Monday, March 16, 2009

    Eat Much?...

    -One salad with Honey French dressing, topped with crunchy tortilla strips
    -Two large pieces of tortilla-crusted tilapia
    -Half a steak
    -One small corn on the cob
    -A helping of broccoli
    -One baked potato with butter, mushrooms, and onions
    -Half a pint of banana split ice cream

    Um, yeah. That was my dinner last night. Heh.

    Sunday, March 15, 2009

    Why Can't I Just Enjoy This?...

    This will most likely be the last child I have. Three is a good number for us, so this is it. I just can't help but worry, though. Since my miscarriage last July, every single twinge, every single ache, every single nuance of this pregnancy is grossly magnified, making me worry about things I never worried about when I was pregnant with Jack and Liv.

    Every time I go to the bathroom, I look for blood. Every time I feel any minor back pain at all, I think, "OMG, is this the start of a miscarriage?" Every time I take a shit, I wonder if it's actually poop coming out or fragments of my fetus. I know it sounds gross and ridiculous, but every single thing my body does has me running for the medical books. And frankly, I'm sick of it.

    Why can't I just enjoy this pregnancy without worrying about every little thing? A miscarriage will give you PTSD, I swear. Every minor cramp is magnified by 1,000. Every time I notice that I haven't been nauseous in ten minutes, I'm worried. Every single moment is being taken up by worries I didn't have with Jack and Liv.

    All I want to do is enjoy this last pregnancy because I absolutely love being pregnant. The worrying, though...I just don't know where to put it all. I don't want to walk around with a dark cloud hanging over me everywhere I go. I just can't help but notice that I'm worried about everything, no matter how minor it is. And that simply isn't good for anyone.

    Is it too much to ask to be worry-free and to want this pregnancy to be a joyful one?

    Saturday, March 14, 2009

    Ugly With A Capital U...


    Multiple Olympic gold medals or not, Michael Phelps is one the ugliest men I've ever seen. Seriously, his face makes me want to vomit. It's not even funny how ugly his face is; it's pretty sad. Don't even get me started on that freakishly long torso. Ugh.

    Friday, March 13, 2009

    Corned Beef, Anyone?...

    Nothing says St. Patrick's Day quite like corned beef. Slow cooked and tender, it's so perfect as a main dish or piled high on a sandwich the next day, you won't care that it's not really very traditional. Serve it with braised cabbage, soda bread, and rich, dark stout for a delicious St. Paddy's Day.

    Corned Beef Basics
    http://allrecipes.com/HowTo/Corned-Beef-Basics/detail.aspx?ARBMID=1914&ARFMTID=2

    All About St. Paddy's
    http://allrecipes.com/Features/Holidays/StPatricksDay/home.aspx?ARBMID=1914&ARFMTID=2

    Recipes for Corned Beef
    http://allrecipes.com/Recipes/Holidays-and-Events/St-Patricks-Day/Corned-Beef/ViewAll.aspx?ARBMID=1914&ARFMTID=2

    Slow Cooker Corned Beef (Video)
    http://allrecipes.com/HowTo/Slow-Cooker-Corned-Beef-Video/Detail.aspx?ARBMID=1914&ARFMTID=2

    Maybe the ideas above can help you plan your feast!

    Thursday, March 12, 2009

    What Technology Can Do For You...

    I'll have an ultrasound in two weeks. I wonder if I can send the baby an email, too. Duh.

    Wednesday, March 11, 2009

    The Titty Fairy...

    My visit at the OB went well yesterday. I had some more bloodwork done and I have to call him on Thursday to see how it is. I have another appointment in two weeks and he'll give me the orders for my first ultrasound. My OB isn't too concerned with my hCG levels being at 14,000 a week ago. He didn't seem to think it was abnormally high, so I'm not going to sweat it right now. I'm six weeks and three days along as of today. I'm guessing my levels are close to 90,000 right now. This pregnancy is going to be monitored very closely because of the last one and my complications with deliveries, in general. Right now, I'm exhausted, nauseous, and I got a visit from the Titty Fairy who is making my boobs bigger and quite tender. Other than that, all is well.

    And I just realized that I've got to get my kids signed up for preschool for the fall. Yikes! Why is it that these due dates sneak up on me? Not only will we have a new baby in the fall, we'll also have two going to school for the first time. Yeesh.

    Go ahead, keep laughing at the title of this post. Titty Fairy. Heh.

    Tuesday, March 10, 2009

    Doctor, Doctor...

    Today, I have an appointment with my OB at 2pm. He'll probably order more bloodwork to make sure my hCG is going up. If I get an order for an ultrasound, I'm going to try to do it as soon as I can.

    I sure am tired, though. Really tired. And my boobs are hurtin'. I guess those are good signs.

    Wish me luck.

    Monday, March 09, 2009

    The Evolution Of Mom...

    Your Clothes
    -1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
    -2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
    -3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

    The Baby's Name
    -1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
    -2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
    -3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

    Preparing for the Birth
    -1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
    -2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
    -3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

    The Layette
    -1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
    -2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
    -3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

    Worries
    -1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
    -2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
    -3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to wind up the mechanical swing.

    Activities
    -1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
    -2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
    -3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

    Going Out
    -1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
    -2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
    -3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

    At Home
    -1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
    -2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
    -3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

    Source

    Sunday, March 08, 2009

    Solve THIS Equation...

    (2 Breast tenderness + .5 nausea + 10 extreme fatigue) x (1 moody pregnant woman) = STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!

    Does anyone dare say they know the answer?

    Saturday, March 07, 2009

    She's The Boss...

    In our house, you just don't mess with Livie. She may only be turning three next month, but she's as assertive as they come. This girl knows what she wants and, dammit, she goes out and gets it. You see, we work for her. She has even decided that she's going to name the new baby. These are her picks:

    Girl = Daisy

    Boy = Woodrow

    Rather than break her heart by telling her I don't like those names, I'm just going to tell her that they've already been taken, which I'm sure she'll understand. And then I'll hold my breath for the next two names I just know she's going to suggest.

    Born leader, ya think?

    Friday, March 06, 2009

    But What Does It Mean?...

    I talked to my doctor yesterday and he told me that my hCG levels are TWICE what they were with my last pregnancy. Last year, my levels were 7,000 when I had my initial bloodwork done. Sadly, I lost that baby over the summer, even though those hCG figures weren't bad. With this pregnancy, I had the bloodwork done at 5w2d and the hCG levels came out as 14,000!

    I've had a couple people tell me to keep the word "multiples" in the back of my mind. WHAT?!

    So, can anyone tell me what it means to have your hCG levels be 14,000 when you're only a little over 5 weeks pregnant? I know it's a good thing, but does it really indicate more than one child?!

    Thursday, March 05, 2009

    First Kiss...


    This must be a 2nd or 3rd child because the Mom grabbed the camera and not the kid!

    Wednesday, March 04, 2009

    Today's Topic...

    Discuss.
    I had a bit of a scare with some implantation bleeding on Monday. I saw my OB yesterday and, so far, all is well. I had some bloodwork done and hopefully my numbers will be where they're supposed to be.
    Nervous and happy at the same time...cautiously optimistic.

    Tuesday, March 03, 2009

    Busy...

    Things are a bit busy around here, so this is it for posting today. Have a pleasant day.

    Monday, March 02, 2009

    Lend Me A Hand...

    I've always wanted my palm read. I don't know why. Perhaps it's just curiousity. Palmistry is just a fascinating thing to me, just like iridology is. Have any of you ever had a palm reading before? If so, how accurate was it?

    Sunday, March 01, 2009

    One Day At A Time...

    It's so easy to get overwhelmed by everything going on in my life lately. There are a million things on my to-do list and not enough time to get everything done. It's so easy to get inundated with minor things that wind up being major things because they weren't tackled right away.

    I'm just taking one day at a time, one hour at a time, making sure I take my ten deep breaths ten times a day. I'm just so tired at the end of each day that it's hard to fall asleep. Does that make any sense? Before I go to sleep, my mind races in bed for an hour, which is unlike me.

    I just want to wake up well-rested, able to handle the day's events without batting an eyelash. Is that so hard to ask for? I'm just so tired of waking up tired.