Comments from the Peanut Gallery

Taking one day at a time...

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  • Sunday, May 31, 2009

    The Most Inexpensive Toy On The Market...

    My kids love earthworms. They love everything about them. They dig them up; they are gently when they hold them; they give them names; they put them in buckets with dirt and leaves. And then, most of the time, they put them back in the dirt so that they can go home to their mommies. Jack and Liv aren't afraid of them at all. They LOVE them!

    They're the most inexpensive toy out there on the market. They're in my own backyard. And they're better than any interactive toy we could ever buy them.

    Earthworms: A science lesson in our own hands. You gotta love that and you gotta love this age. What a joy it can be to be three and four years old!

    Saturday, May 30, 2009

    Be Careful With The Hand Sanitizer...

    This story was verified at Snopes.

    "Yesterday, my youngest daughter, Halle who is just 4 years old, was rushed to the ER by her father for being severely lethargic and incoherent in her classroom. He was called to her school by the school secretary who said that she was, "VERY VERY SICK!"

    He told me that when he arrived at her classroom, Halle was barely sitting in the chair. She couldn't hold her own head up and when he looked into her eyes, she couldn't focus them.
    He immediately scooped her up and rushed her to the closest ER, and then called me. When he got there, they ran blood test after blood test and did x-rays, and every test imaginable. Her white blood cell count was normal, nothing was out of the ordinary. When I arrived at the ER, the doctor there told us that he had done everything that he could do so he was transferring her to Saint Francis Hospital for further tests.

    Right as we were leaving in the ambulance, her teacher arrived at the ER and told us that after questioning Halle 's classmates, She had found out that our little girl had licked liquid hand sanitizer off of her hands!

    Hand sanitizer, of all things. But it makes sense. These days they have all kinds of different scents and flavors and when you have a curious child, they are going to put all kinds of things into their mouths.

    When we arrived at the Saint Francis Hospital's ER, we told the ER doctor there to check her blood alcohol level, and yes we did get weird looks, but they did it. The results showed her blood alcohol level was 85% -- six hours after we first took her. There's no telling what it would have been if we would have requested it at the first ER.

    Since then, her school and a few surrounding schools have taken the liquid hand sanitizers out of all the lower grade classes, but what's to stop middle and high schoolers from ingesting this stuff?


    After doing research on the Internet, we found out that it only takes about 3 squirts of the stuff ingested to be fatal to a toddler. For her blood alcohol level to be so high, it would be like someone her size drinking120 proof liquor. So...PLEASE PLEASE don't disregard this post because we don't ever want another family to go through what ours has gone through."


    I read this story and moved the hand sanitizers to a higher level in my home, out of the kids' reaches. We use them frequently and I have seen my son lick his hand in the past after using it (when we first started using them with the kids). He no longer does that, but it gives me the shivers thinking that it could've been fatal. Now, we only give them just the tiniest little bit on their hand and we make sure it can never be ingested. I don't want my kids to go through what this kid went through. This is a parent's nightmare.

    Friday, May 29, 2009

    Fingers Crossed...

    This Sunday will mark the halfway point in my pregnancy. I still can't believe it. Since the twins (gasp!) will arrive at 36 weeks gestation (hopefully!), I will officially be halfway through my pregnancy at 18 weeks, which occurs this Sunday. Crazy, isn't it?

    I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can, in between worry and anxiety about possible complications. I think I'm doing okay, but it isn't easy. I know so many people who actually hated being pregnant. I can never say that for myself. I've always loved everything about the whole process of growing a baby inside. It's heaven for me. Deliveries, however, are pure hell.

    Yeah, this time around is tougher on me, but I'm doing my best. I'm getting rounder and rounder each day. I swear, I woke up yesterday morning, looked at myself in the mirror, and was convinced I'd gotten a little bigger overnight. Is that possible?

    Since this is, no doubt, the last time I will ever be pregnant, I'm going to try very hard to put aside my fears and enjoy the little kicks I get from my twins. It won't be long before they're getting their feet (all four of them!) lodged in my ribs and it won't be so enjoyable anymore. Heh.

    Let's just all keep our fingers crossed. When they're born, I'll finally be able to stop holding my breath for fear of the unknown. Sigh...

    Thursday, May 28, 2009

    Endless Anxiety...

    I am so glad I'm pregnant again, especially after last year's horrendous miscarriage. I, however, will be so relieved once it's over and the babies are born healthy. Only then will I be able to rest. Don't laugh. By "rest," I mean, "not worry."

    I've posted before about the worry and anxiety that comes with being pregnant again after a miscarriage. It never ends, not even after the first trimester is over and the risk of miscarriage decreases...not even after I hear their heartbeats at my doctor visits again and again...not even after I see them on the ultrasounds competing in Womb Olympics. Now, I am constantly worried about complications, especially given my history of complicated deliveries. Being pregnant again is in no way easy this time around. There are a lot of emotions attached to this. And simply telling me not to worry isn't going to make it go away. Delivering healthy babies will solve my dilemma and that can't happen for another several months. Yes, worrying isn't good for the babies, but it's not something I can get around. If you've never lost a baby before and then gotten pregnant with twins, you'd understand what I'm going through. Twin gestations, alone, bring a slew of possible complications by their nature, alone. Every dream, every twinge, every movement they make has my head spinning. And I question why I am able to carry twins right now, but wasn't able to carry a singleton last year. Could it be that it wasn't really meant to be last year? Could it be that simple? Could it be that I had to lose one to gain two? I'll never understand.

    All I know is that I'm doing what I can to keep these babies in there for as long as I can. Twins usually come early and that scares me. However, as soon as they come out, I can worry more about feedings, naptimes, nighttime parenting, budgeting my time with all four kids and I can worry less about the possibility of them dying before we can ever meet face-to-face. It's going to be a long summer for me.

    Send a hug when you can, will ya?

    Wednesday, May 27, 2009

    Wordle Me This...

    Wordle: Comments from the Peanut Gallery
    I've created a word cloud using Wordle. You should try it. You can copy and paste individual posts from your blog or just type in your URL into a designated area and it will create a word cloud for you. In the word cloud are the words you use most commonly in your blog; the more you use a word, the larger it appears in the word cloud. This particular wordle I've made is from all the posts I wrote in May 2009 only.
    The one I created above can be best viewed by clicking on this link to my specific word cloud...Wordle. Try it yourself!

    Tuesday, May 26, 2009

    My Eyes...


    I think I need new glasses. My eyes are playing tricks on me lately and I don't like it. Aside from my headaches being a second trimester nuisance, maybe my eyeglasses are in need of adjustments, too. I know a woman's vision can change during pregnancy, but does it go back to what it used to be after the baby's (in my case, babies') arrival?

    My blood pressure is wonderful, so I'm not quite worried about preeclampsia, even though I know it's common with twin gestations. I just want my eyes to be normal again, whatever that was.

    Of course, stepping away from the computer would help. Bye.

    Monday, May 25, 2009

    Mindless Fun...

    I stole this from Sue at The Torn Pages. It was fun to do. Let me know if you do it on your blog, too.

    1. YOUR REAL NAME
    Amy

    2. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME (mother and father’s middle names)
    Jean George

    3. NASCAR NAME (first name of your mother’s dad; father’s dad)
    Sotero "Sonny" Albert

    4. STAR WARS NAME (the first three letters of your last name, first two letters of your first name)
    Braam (George Lucas would totally steal this name from me.)

    5. DETECTIVE NAME (favorite color, favorite animal)
    Brown Dog

    6. SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, town where you were born)
    M**** Chicago (sounds stupid and I don't want to give that info out anyway)

    7. SUPERHERO NAME (second fav color, fav drink, add ‘the’ to the beginning)
    The Black Lemonade (I wonder what my superhero power would be...)

    8. FLY NAME (first two letters of your first name, last two letters of your last name)
    Amer (I don't get it.)

    9. ROCK STAR NAME (current pet’s name, current street name)
    Java H******** (It sounds rather silly and I don't really want to publish the name of the street I live on.)

    10. PORN NAME (first pet, street you grew up on)
    Toy Toy Springfield

    11. GANGSTA NAME (first three letters of your real name, plus izzle)
    Amyizzle (Very stupid...)

    12. IRAQI NAME (second letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, first two letters of your middle name, last two letters of your first name, then last three letters of your last name)
    Memamyier (Can't even pronounce it; makes no sense)

    13. GOTH NAME (black, and the name of one of your pets)
    Black Java (That sounds likes more of a porn star name!)

    14. STRIPPER NAME (favorite perfume, favorite candy)
    I haven't worn perfume in over ten years and couldn't remember my old favorites if I tried. My favorite candy is plain M&M's. Does that still count?

    Sunday, May 24, 2009

    Seventeen Weeks...

    I know it's taken me a looooooong time to post any belly pics. I really just didn't want to jinx anything.

    Yep, stickin' straight out, looking like I swallowed a basketball.

    And, yes, Livie IS picking her nose. Isn't she adorable?

    Saturday, May 23, 2009

    In My Wild Imagination...

    This is what I imagine when I think of Jack and Livie going to school together. Perhaps it's silly, but Norman Rockwell really captures the thought for me.
    Today is preschool registration for the next school year for them. They aren't babies anymore. Sigh...

    Friday, May 22, 2009

    Skool...

    Three-day weekend, here I come!

    I swear, if tomorrow weren't Saturday, I'd be taking a sick day at work. Gah!

    Yesterday's OB appointment went swimmingly well. One baby's heartbeat was 164; the other was 154. I see him again in four weeks. Yay! My next appointment is on the 19th of June and I'll leave for vacation the next day. I'll be 20 weeks then.

    Tomorrow, we're actually registering Jack and Liv for preschool at the Catholic school down the street. (I know, I know, my skin is burning just thinking about it. Me? Send my kids to a Catholic school? Hell hath frozen over, folks.) Registration is from 9am-11:30am and it won't take us long to do it. Then, we can have a fun-filled day at my Mom's house. The weather is going to be wonderful.

    Preschool. I can't believe they'll be going. This particular school has actually closed, but is reopening as a "Primary Center of Excellence" for children ages 3-8. The plan is to have them attend three mornings a week; I don't think they could do full days (three or five) just yet or five half-days. That's a lot to throw at them and I want them to fall in love with school. As far as I know, Jack and Liv are actually the ONLY ones enrolled, so far. Perhaps more have done so since the last time I spoke with the school. Otherwise, what's the point of sending them to "school" for socialization if they are the only ones in their classroom? Talk about undivided attention from the teacher!

    I will spend all summer preparing them for how much they are going to love going to school. It won't be easy for any of us, myself included. My babies...they're growing up...just in time for the new babies' arrivals. Sniff, sniff, sigh...

    Thursday, May 21, 2009

    Ready...

    I'm so tired of going to work. This is the time of year when ALL teachers get summer fever. We're ALL jonesing to get out, just like the kids are. The summertime is every teacher's respite and, believe me, we need it. YOU try our job for just one day and you'll never go back. People who regularly do summer school year after year after year are usually greedy or hate their life at home. Why else would anyone work this job without any break whatsoever? I haven't done summer school since I was pregnant with Jack and I probably won't do it ever again. Vacation time is THAT precious to me now.

    Don't get me wrong. I love my career; it's not just a job to me. I am very fortunate to have chosen a career that enables me to have the summers off. It's the perfect career path for someone who has a family, like me. It's just that it's almost June and all schools are crazy this time of year. It's nice to get away for a while to recharge and come back fresh later. Of course, if all goes well, I'll be having the twins in early October, so I won't exactly be back to work for long before my REAL job begins. Heh.

    Summer needs to get here quickly. I'm ready.

    Wednesday, May 20, 2009

    Nothing But Good...

    *I have a routine OB appointment tomorrow afternoon. Yay! Fingers crossed, as usual.

    *Jack and Liv have been sleeping quite well lately. Yippee!

    *It's going to be 90 degrees today. Yikes! At least, it's not snowing anymore. I didn't think spring would ever come. However, this is more like summer weather. Yeesh.

    *School/work is almost over. Amen!

    *This weekend is a three-day weekend for me. Woohoo!

    *One last thing...

    Tuesday, May 19, 2009

    From You?...

    What do you do when you receive a bridal shower invitation from someone you don't know? Okay, duh, besides NOT go to it!

    I don't want to look like an idiot, but this is really happening to me. I asked my Mom and she didn't get one, so I know it's not family. I seriously don't know who sent me this bridal shower invitation! My husband doesn't know them and neither does my mother. It's got to be a mistake. Do people invite strangers just to get presents or to see how many actually show up? I'm curious, but not curious enough to go.

    Hubby thinks it could be a former student of mine, but I highly doubt it. I don't give out my home address to anyone! I really can't figure out who sent me this invitation. Of course, I don't care enough to lose sleep over it, though.

    Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever gotten invited to a shower/party where you didn't know the guests of honor? This is weird.

    Monday, May 18, 2009

    No Eyes Spray...

    Liv has been spooked by a nightmare she's had recently. She swears that eyes are staring at her from all over the room in the middle of the night. I've tried telling her that the moonlight shines through the trees and makes shadows on her wall at night, that she thinks they are eyes, but they really aren't. Well, she's trying to convince herself of that, but it's not quite working. So, here's what's been done about it:

    1. I've sent Java into their room to chase away the eyes that stare at her at night.

    2. Hubby has covered her skylight with a black garbage bag to block out any light that might shine through.

    3. My brother a.k.a. Uncle has given her a special spray to use in her room before she goes to sleep. It's in a green bottle with labels on it that have eyes with red x's over them, so she knows that it's the No Eyes Spray. She is to spray it two times in her room before she goes to bed and it chases the eyes away so they can't look at her at night. This spray will keep her safe.

    Let's hope all of this works. There's nothing worse than hearing her fearful, frightened sobs in the middle of the night, hiding behind her hair because she thinks the eyes are going to get her.

    She has such a great imagination that her brain works overtime while she's sleeping and it keeps her up at night. My poor girl...

    Sunday, May 17, 2009

    It's All About Food...

    I'll have the Haagen Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter flavor, please. Happy sixteen weeks to me!

    Saturday, May 16, 2009

    That's My Tummy You Hear...

    I have really GOT to stop looking up recipes online. Every time I do, I get soooooo hungry. I have a million recipes I'd like to try and not enough meals in my lifetime at which to try them. It's craziness!

    Pregnancy makes me really hungry. Breastfeeding later will make me even hungrier. Commercials make me hungry. Doing laundry makes me hungry. Thunder and lightning make me hungry. Hell, sleeping makes me hungry.

    If I'm not hungry, I'm peeing. ALL. THE. TIME. My bladder is officially out of control. And I still can't believe there are two babies in there. TWO! Just last night, I asked Hubby if he thought we would be able to survive this. He said we'll be fine, but it's going to be tough. He is not fond of nighttime parenting, nor is he a morning person...the exact opposite of me. We thought singletons were hard; now we get to do it all over again with TWO babies at the same time, minus my income. Nothing about this is going to be even remotely easy.

    I once thought that having Jack and Liv was like having twins because they were only fourteen months apart. I have a feeling I'm going to be in for the ride of my life once these babies arrive.

    Excuse me, but I need to pee now and then make a sandwich. Yeesh.

    Friday, May 15, 2009

    How Twins Are Made...

    Just a little techie humor for ya. Heh.
    Things are good here. Jack's reaction to the MMR is over, I believe. He's had a string of really good nights consisting of minimal or no nightwaking at all and loooooooong stretches of straight sleep. He's also had several really good days in a row, where he was able to self-regulate very well. He's no longer a mess and is rather pleasant, just like he was before his shot. Sleeping and eating habits are back to normal and the world can spin on its axis again. Hence, the lighthearted post today.
    Besides, everyone knows that twins aren't a product of "copy" and "paste." Everyone knows that babies grow in gardens! Duh!

    Thursday, May 14, 2009

    Cool Spot At The Blowhole...

    This is something you'll find in Maui. It's an incredibly peaceful photo for me to look at. Care to caption this photo in six words or less?

    Wednesday, May 13, 2009

    If You Think Your Kid's Immune...

    ...anything can happen. I, for one, would like to see the vaccine schedule spread out more so that kids don't receive so many shots in the first few months and years of their life (36 by the time they are 4-6 years old). Having a son who has severe reactions to the MMR has taught me a lot.
    A child's body can only handle so much and you don't know that until they push poisons into it. I believe in safer, cleaner vaccines and how necessary they are for the good of all. I just don't believe in giving them so many in such a short amount of time, especially when they can't detect who will have an adverse reaction ahead of time. And I believe that the MMR should be separated into three shots, not grouped together as one so it's convenient for doctors.

    Tuesday, May 12, 2009

    The MMR Vaccine Is Poison...

    I've been struggling lately...with Jack. His tantrums are unbelievable. The word, "No," sends him into a never-before-seen rage that includes self-injury (biting his fingers and/or banging his head on something). I don't know what's going on with him and I'm scared. I think part of it is behavioral and part of it stems from an adverse reaction to the MMR he received on April 29th. This isn't the first time he's had a reaction to the MMR. And I'm really glad he never has to get that shot ever again. Yesterday was a better day for him, so maybe the poison is almost out of his system now. God, I hope so.

    I have his former developmental therapist coming by on Saturday to play with him and give me a fresh perspective. I don't know what I'm seeing anymore. And everything I see on the Internet points me in directions that scare me even more...Bipolar Disorder in Preschoolers...Emotional Disturbance...Autism...etc.

    Ever since his MMR vaccine two weeks ago, he's been a completely different boy. And just like last time, the adverse reaction was immediately and has continued. I'm hoping it's running its course because he seems to be getting better and isn't so nuts anymore. He had a bad reaction to his first MMR at 15 months. Now, he's not the same AGAIN. And the doctor never believed me, even when I begged for separate vaccines. In the haste to get things ready for school registration, I succumbed to the vaccine and now my son is a mess. The fact sheet they give you even states that those who've had a previous reaction should NOT get the shot. Still, no one believes me. Doctors are Gods, you know. We can't switch because it's too late and the only other one we're covered under is his partner. We've switched Jack's doctor once before because she was a nutjob who caused him to have such a traumatic birth, which could be or could not be related to all of this. Plus, she's the reason he's going to need his Hepatitis vaccines all over again because she gave them too close together. I'll save that fiasco for another post.

    So, here I am with a boy who used to be good, used to smile, used to be nice, used to be happy two weeks ago. Now, I have a kid who flies into rages and throws things; bites his fingers so I come running to see why he's crying; bangs his head unmercifully on hard surfaces so I come running; cries for me in the middle of the night just to argue with me about why he does/does not want water/sleep/the light on, etc.; complains that his knee and his ear hurt (though I'm not sure I believe it because he keeps telling me things like this so that I comfort him); sobs uncontrollably and inconsolably about the simplest things at the drop of a hat. I don't know what to do anymore. And don't suggest taking him to his doctor. His doctor barely knows him and doesn't even believe in Sensory Processing Disorder. He doesn't even give the kids cold medicine when they're sick and it interferes with their sleep. And don't suggest beating Jack. That's not going to work, either. He's not a dog.

    We were told a long time ago at Jack's medical diagnostic evaluation for autism that Jack was not autistic; he, instead, suffers from Sensory Processing Disorder and has anxiety. Yeah, you put those two things together and you get a recipe for disaster...a sensory-seeker who hurts himself just to feel. This coupled with the bad reaction to the MMR and you have a preschooler who's going nuts and turning inside out.

    Hubby seems to think it's mostly behavioral, that Jack knows we're going to come running to comfort him, so he keeps doing it to have some sort of control over his surroundings, his feelings, and us. A part of me thinks he's right; another part of me thinks Jack is trying to tell me something and I'm just not reading him well enough. I'm hoping his former developmental therapist can shed some light on this. I don't know what to do anymore. I truly believe a lot of this has to do with the adverse reaction to the MMR, which also happened the first time he got that shot. A normally happy boy doesn't just turn into a crazed lunatic for no reason. The only difference was the MMR and I believe it took over his body, making him a wreck. But who's going to believe me? Reactions like that are so rare, they don't even consider them reactions. And who am I? I'm just his Mother.

    My Mom suggested that I write a letter about Jack's reactions to both MMR shots and have it kept in his medical records, officially documenting it just in case. I think it's a great idea and I'm going to do that. They can call me crazy all they want, but they can't stop me from putting that in there. I want it known.

    All I know is that I need to get off the Internet because it's not helping me. It's scaring me, instead. And I need to get to the root of what's bothering my son. I just don't know how. All I know is that something is definitely wrong. It's got to be that fucking shot again.

    I knew this was going to happen, but I hoped it wouldn't. My poor boy...

    Monday, May 11, 2009

    Twenty-two...

    There are 22 more work days left for me before summer break starts. I am ecstatic.

    However, I know what happens next. I get big...bigger...and the biggest I've ever been. I get to be emotionally beat up by my children all summer long, as I force the perfection of toileting on them and rip away their nummies forever. And I'll barely be able to get my gigantic body out of bed by the time I have to go back to work in the fall, if I'm medically allowed to even do so.

    Fingers crossed that these babies stay in there until October 1st, with no problems.

    I just want to make it until then without completely losing my mind. This will be the longest summer of my life.

    Sunday, May 10, 2009

    Mamas Make The World Go Around...


    Wishing all the Mothers out there a wonderful day! You are so appreciated!

    Saturday, May 09, 2009

    Betty Thinks I'm Cool...

    I made it on the list of Betty Confidential's Ten Favorite Mommy Bloggers!

    "5. Comments from the Peanut Gallery. Comments from the Peanut Gallery is about the joys and frustrations of a full-time working mother of two preschoolers (ages 4 and 3), 14 months apart in age. With twins on the way in the fall of 2009, Eatmisery (as she is known in the blog world), is pretty busy! She writes daily about her parenting journey, weaving a delicate balance between home, work and self. It isn't always easy, but every day brings surprises. And frankly, we're glad she lets us in!"

    How cool is that? Thanks, Steph!

    Friday, May 08, 2009

    Control Freak...


    I'm beginning to think that Jack's sleep issues are about control and nothing more. Let's see...what can he control?

    Potty- going on or not going

    Food- eating or not eating what I give him

    Sleep- sleeping or not sleeping; choosing when to wake up

    This might be a no-brainer. Jack's issues with sleep (or I should say lack thereof) just might not have anything to do with his Sensory Processing Disorder at all, or it may somewhat, but might not be the sole reason he's choosing to "hang out" with me in the middle of the night.

    An experiment that might be worthwhile would be for me to set my alarm clock so I can wake HIM up before he wakes ME up. Then he may see that HE is not in control of his sleep-wake cycles, but I am. And it would give me the chance to interrupt his sleep cycle so that he has to start it all over again, thus waking up at a more normal time (and not so God-awful early).

    But it's so much work. And what would I do if it backfired? Either way, I'm still going to lose sleep. If I don't wake HIM up, he's most definitely going to wake ME up. What would YOU do?

    Thursday, May 07, 2009

    Only Human...

    Saying we've been going through a rough patch is an understatement. Both kids have been fighting a bad cold. Jack, however, is worse and he frequently wakes up at night in a fit of frustration, anger, and confusion because he doesn't feel well. Livie winds up waking up because she and Jack share a room and she can't help but be awakened by his screaming. Needless to say, none of us have been getting adequate rest, which makes for a very cranky household.

    I'm hoping that this bug is running out of them so that our nights can become somewhat normal again, whatever normal was, I can't even remember anymore. On the bright side, Jack is taking medicine for his cold like a big boy. He doesn't fight it and takes his cough/decongestant medicine like a champ. He's even taking the Tylenol chewable tablets, too. He blows his nose whenever he needs to do it and he does it very well. That, alone, is a HUGE step for him.

    I've tried going to bed right after the kids do, so that I can at least get some sleep before the chaos begins. It's never enough, though. And it's not easy trying to grow twins in the process. I can't even begin to explain it to you. Unless you're the parent of a four-year-old with SPD who doesn't understand why he's feeling so shitty; unless you're also the parent of a three-year-old who can't figure out why her brother is waking up disoriented every night for the last ten days and unable to go back to sleep for hours; unless you're a full-time working Mom who's pregnant with twins and sleep deprived already; unless you have a husband who's working very late hours due to inventory; yeah, you just wouldn't understand.

    Imagine you are four years old and you have SPD. Now, imagine you're sick with a bad cold, coughing and sneezing. Imagine not being able to understand why you're congested and you're a boogery mess. Imagine not being able to go back to sleep because you can't breathe out of your nose and you still can't sleep without a nummy. Now, imagine that you think merely putting a Band-Aid on your nose will make it better and you can't understand why I won't give it to you. Now, imagine yourself a blubbering mess because you can't say what you mean at 3am. And everyone is mad at you.

    That's my son. And I get it. I get him. And I get his disorder. But even though I understand all of it, that doesn't mean that I like hours of total confusion and chaos at 3am. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad parent because I resent having to deal with it from 3am-5am, when he can finally go back to sleep. Why? Because I get up at 5:30am and I've been running on fumes for days. Days. I am only human. We're all only human and everyone has their breaking point. Jack has reached his ten times over and I feel bad for the little guy.

    Hubby is upset because "this is not normal." Having a kid with SPD means nothing in life will ever be normal, whatever that is. And that's okay. It's not that there's something wrong with Jack. Jack is who he is. He's Jack and we love him. We just have to do things a little differently with him when it comes to...well,...everything. His wiring is different from Liv's and to ever compare the two is foolish. There are days, however, when you'd never even know Jack has Sensory Processing Disorder. And then there are days when you just know he's different.

    I do not believe, nor will I ever believe, that Jack is autistic. No professional therapist he's had has ever thought that about Jack. Jack has SPD and he has trouble making sense out of his environment, especially when he's sick. His doctor barely ever sees him and wouldn't know him on a crowded train. He sees him for his yearly check-up and that's about it. I don't even think he believes in SPD. Sometimes I think people feel that doctors are gods. I, for one, do not believe that at all. I think doctors make guesses, which is why they call what they do, "practice." SPD is something Jack will need to cope with for the rest of his life. He's still learning strategies to deal with the things that upset him. And if you don't have SPD, you just don't understand.

    My job in life may be to bring awareness of SPD to those who have any contact with my son. His SPD has been referred to as mild by his four former therapists. I can only imagine what parents go through when their kid has severe SPD. And there isn't a single book I haven't read about it because it is my job to understand my son. I do what I can, but I'm only human. And it's not easy to deal with the demons of SPD in the middle of the night. You see, SPD doesn't just exist in the daytime. And neither does motherhood.

    Sleep deprivation: that's the last ten days or so in a nutshell. So, if I'm cranky, you know why. I'm trying really hard not to fall apart and it keeps getting harder and harder. I love my boy. It's just not always easy to fight the SPD battle.

    Wednesday, May 06, 2009

    Zzzzzzzzzz...

    JUST ONCE...I would like to full night's sleep. By "full," I mean more than eight consecutive hours. Lately, every single night, Jack wakes up at 3:30am, pissing and moaning about something. I've been making Hubby get up with him, so that I can rest my body. It's not easy carrying and growing twins, so Hubby has to be on Night Duty, whether he likes it or not. I get up for work every single morning at 5:30am. When Jack gets up at 3:30am, even though I'm not physically getting out of bed to tend to him, I unfortunately wind up not being able to fall back asleep. He, however, falls back asleep at 5am. So, for the past two weeks, I've been starting my days at 3:30am and I'm NOT happy about it.

    It doesn't matter if I try to put him to bed later. He STILL wakes up at the same time every morning. YOU try keeping him up later than normal when he's gotten up at the crack of ass and see how well THAT goes for you. For the most part, Liv is a great sleeper, but she's starting to get in on the early morning act, too. And I am NOT happy about this new trend.

    Both kids have bad head colds and that could be why they are tag-teaming us. Jack, however, was doing this BEFORE he even had a cold, so I think it's becoming a habit for him and I don't know what to do about it. If I let him bitch and moan in his bed, he just gets louder and louder until the whole house is awake and in an uproar. Jack doesn't quite understand that the needs of the many greatly outweigh the needs of just one.

    I'm sleep-deprived, pregnant with twins, and headachy because of both. All I want to do is get a decent night of uninterrupted sleep. There won't be many of those for a looooong time after the twins are born. I'm thinking of moving out just to get it.

    FUCK!

    Tuesday, May 05, 2009

    Think Happy Thoughts...

    My belly is ALL babies. I still giggle when I think about the fact that I'm having TWINS. Yikes!

    Monday, May 04, 2009

    The Birds...

    I don't know about you guys, but the birds in my neighborhood, particularly the robins, are out for blood. I saw one attack the head of a little girl across the street yesterday. They swoop down so low and so fast in my backyard, I worry about my own kids' heads. I don't know what's gotten into these birds, but they are kamikaze lately. They don't care who they attack; they're even assaulting the squirrels! They eat the veggies I planted and the seeds I planted. And they also terrorize my dog! These birds actually come up to my front door and stare at me through the window, as if they're trying to intimidate me.

    Maybe they are Mommy birds, I don't know. And I don't know of any nests around the house. All I know is that I'm scared to even open up my back door for fear that they will attack me on the way to my garbage can. WTF?!

    I used to like robins...until they started their nasty crack habit. They've become very, very evil. You have officially been warned.

    Sunday, May 03, 2009

    Counting Down The Days...

    I have 27 more work days until summer vacation. I am so glad. For the first time in my life, I'll be HUGELY pregnant in the summertime.

    At least I won't have to go to work wearing muu muus. Heh.

    Saturday, May 02, 2009

    Free Meals...

    It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman,
    with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him
    with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do
    about it?

    Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16.

    She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one
    day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into
    the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

    "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell
    your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last
    free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

    When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and
    said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free
    bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the
    expression on his face!"

    Friday, May 01, 2009

    Silver Linings...

    On Wednesday, Hubby had taken Jack and Liv to the doctor. Yes, at the same time, which is something I can't do being pregnant with twins. Livie had her three-year check-up. Not only did my little powerhouse grow three-and-a-half inches in the last year (37.5" tall now), she also gained SEVEN pounds (now a whopping 34lbs.)! That's amazing!

    Both kids wound up getting shots. Livie had one of her hepatitis shots in her leg. Jack, however, got his chicken pox vaccine and his MMR, both in his skinny little arms. We postponed the MMR since his last check-up in February because I wanted it done in three separate doses, which they would not do for him. Being that he needed his shots to get into school in the fall, I succumbed to getting it on Wednesday. They also informed us that his last doctor had given his hepatitis vaccines too close together when he was a baby, so now he has to get them all over again to start school. I'm livid! Thank goodness Hubby refused those make-up shots that day. No need to put more poisons into Jack's little body than he can handle at one time.

    Jack had a rough night Wednesday, waking up every couple of hours in a fit. I'd gone to work on Thursday and received an email from Hubby saying that Jack was feverish and taking a nap. Anyone who knows my son also knows that when he takes a nap, something is very wrong. I'd worried myself sick all day long, calling the Nanny every hour to see if he was getting better. He'd had a horrible reaction to his MMR at fifteen months old, which landed us in the ER with him having a 103.5 fever and becoming dehydrated. I didn't want a repeat of that and was ready to march my ass straight into his doctor's office to raise hell.

    Throughout the course of the day, Jack started feeling better. His fever had stopped and his spirits were good. And then he ate. Our Nanny had decided to play a little game with Jack, knowing how much he loves to count everything; she had him counting how many sips he could take of his juice until he'd get full. He loved the game and stayed hydrated in the process. And I think it did him a world of good. Livie doesn't get reactions to vaccines, so we weren't very worried about her. She helped take care of her brother like the angel she is.

    One of the parents of one of my students donated an enormous bottle of hand sanitizer for my classroom BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT AND SHE WANTS TO KEEP ME SAFE FROM THE SWINE FLU. To me, that's love and appreciation.

    On Thursday afternoon, I went to my OB appointment and wound up hearing BOTH of the heartbeats of my twins (one at @ 164, the other at @ 152). I also found out my results from the testing I had done last week. When given just my maternal age (37), my odds of having a baby with Down syndrome are 1 in 100. Not great odds. However, when they combined that with the results of the nuchal translucency tests on the babies and my bloodwork, my odds decreased dramatically to 1 in 435! My doctor is very confident that the twins are just fine and wasn't too concerned that they were measuring a week larger than we thought. Better they be bigger than not big enough. My doctor also thinks they are in separate sacs and may have their own separate placentas, which is a good thing. We'll know for sure when they come out, but they are probably fraternal twins.

    Then, a big box arrived from My Sister. In it were a pink ukelele and a blue ukelele, straight from her vacation last week in Hawaii for my kids AND tons of summer maternity clothes for me from my niece! I don't have to go shopping for summer clothes to fit my growing belly now! Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Sue and Cait! You'll get it all back when I'm done!

    So, while the day started out frantically and with much worry, it ended up being a good day, after all. And I slept much better because of it. Thank goodness for silver linings.