Comments from the Peanut Gallery

One Kid Down...

2012-02-02T06:00:00.001-06:00

Liv came home from school yesterday at 11am. She wasn't feeling very well at all, so the school called and asked Hubby to come get her. Liesl and Leia went with and were soooooo excited to be at SCHOOL! They just watched the little kids walk in their single file lines, were overjoyed at the low, kid-friendly drinking fountains, and didn't know what to make of the rows and rows of lockers. The bright colors of the walls and the fun kid work hanging up in the hallways nearly knocked them over. They officially LOVE school, even though they haven't even enrolled in preschool yet. But I digress.

Liv came home and wound up puking several times. She's got some kind of stomach virus, so she may or may not go to school today. It depends how she feels. She didn't puke much up because she'd barely eaten anything. A mini bagel with peanut butter was all she had at breakfast and she didn't even touch her lunch, except for her juice box. By the time she came home, the juice box had come up. When I got home from work, she was sound asleep in her bed. She even slept through dinner.

After dinner, she woke up and was feeling very punky. She took a shower, put on her jammies, and rested on the couch only to puke again before she could make it to the bathroom. Poor baby! I hope she feels better today. It's not time for her to get up yet, but we'll play it by ear today. She's got tomorrow off from school anyway, so maybe taking today off to get better isn't such a bad idea. She rarely gets sick, but when she does...it's a doozy.

One kid down, three more kids to go. Who will get it next?

February Already?...

2012-02-01T06:00:00.003-06:00

Wow! It's February already. Shit. The school year is half over and I find myself asking where all the time went. Before I know it, Jack will be in second grade and Liv will be in first grade. WTF?!

*Three more until our 13th wedding anniversary... We 've known each other for 20 years and dated for five or six before we got married, so technically we've been together for half our lives. Surreal.

*Seven more days until my boy turns 7 years old... I have learned so much being his Mom and I'm grateful for all of it.

Hubby says he's getting me a combination birthday/anniversary present. I have no idea what he's getting me, but the only thing I can think of that I really need is love, happiness, and health. You can never get enough of those. Maybe he's secretly getting a vasectomy. Heh.

Happy Bubble...

2012-01-31T06:00:00.001-06:00

How about a nice, big, hot cup of Shut the Fuck Up to go with that big bowl of Bitchy you had this morning? Seriously.

There must be something in the water because some people are just ridiculously rude lately. And I'm so sick of adults who behave more like children than their own age. WTF is wrong with people? Get over yourself because you're not as important as you think you are. Did you ever want to tell someone that?

I'm going to go back into my Happy Bubble again. It's safe and relatively sane there.

Softly On My Shoulder...

2012-01-30T06:00:00.003-06:00

Yep, that's pretty much how I look at happiness.

When you least expect to find it, it's right there.

40 Years...

2012-01-29T11:16:00.002-06:00

Today is my 40th birthday and I have learned a lot in forty years. I was going to make a lengthy list of everything I've learned, but decided not to. I know where I've been, how far I've come, and what it has all taught me. I don't need to list it.

Instead, I realized that my thirties were the best time of my life, so far. My twenties were filled with a lot of fun, heartache, hard work, and therapy. My thirties, however, is when everything came together. I bought a home, lost one beloved dog, gave birth to four amazing children, had a miscarriage, got my Masters degree, endured various degrees of heartache, and honed my skills in my chosen profession. There were a lot of character building moments that I will always cherish because I learned from them. While my twenties were roaring, my thirties were so fulfilling in so many ways. I learned love and loss.

I don't know what's in store for my forties. I've been dreading turning 40 for the last year. I don't know how this next decade will top the last one, but I'm hoping for amazing moments with the people I love. I'm trying really hard to embrace 40, so I'm talking myself out of my funk. All I know is that I'm growing every day, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Halfway to dead? Yeah, maybe so. Halfway into life, you bet. Maybe the next decade will give me moments as good as the ones in my thirties were. If not, I'll always have memories of my thirties to get me through the hard times.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow or the next day, but I do know that I'm embracing each moment because those are what matter the most. I can't control any of it, but I can control my reaction to whatever happens. That's half the battle.

I would say that the past 40 years have taught me a lot. Maybe the next decade will be even better. I feel the need to make every minute count because you never know when your time is up. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go hug my kids. Rather than be upset about turning 40, today I'm going to embrace the fact that I'm still here and loved and able to do the things I love with the people I love.

That Face...

2012-01-28T06:00:00.000-06:00

Me and Liv

I love the perspective of it and Liv's perfectly symmetrical face. What a beauty!

Sign Of The Times...

2012-01-27T06:00:00.001-06:00

Oh, to be simplified. I think in my past life, I lived on a purple bus with a lot of people who played guitars and smoked the good shit. It seemed to be so much easier and less chaotic than it is today, especially with regards to technology. If I could live my life again, I'd like to be part of a hippie commune, reading and writing poetry, singing and dancing outside the purple bus I call my home. With a big fatty in my hand. Heh.

Or maybe I could live with Jack Kerouac and wear nothing but black and recite my poetry on stage to the beat of snapping fingers.

Now, if today's medical technology and advances also existed back then, it would be magical.

Why do so many technological advances make life so much more complicated when they're supposed to make life easier? I'm a slave to my email, my iPhone, and this computer I'm typing this on. When I want to put it all down for even just one day, I find it very challenging.

Gah. It's a sign of the times.

She Just Knows...

2012-01-26T06:00:00.002-06:00

Not long ago, I took a photograph of Java's nose. I posted it as my profile picture on Facebook. Yesterday, I received this very photo, enlarged, framed, and matted, from a very good friend of mine who lives in Florida. She chopped the frame and cut the mats and everything else that has to be done when assembling a framed piece. This piece of beautiful art that hangs in my bedroom was made completely by hand. Her lovely, hardworking hands.

It was a complete surprise and just happened to be the best part of my day, especially since it was a character building day at work. Thank you from the bottom of my cold, dead, black heart, E. You might be the only one in the world who would know what to do for me for my birthday. My poor husband and family are scrambling for ideas and you're stealing their thunder! Heh. I admit that I am not easy to buy presents for at all. I really don't even know what I want or need. I don't think what I would like is anything tangible at all. What I want most is a feeling that only I can attain on my own; everything else is just appreciated, but it doesn't fill that void (I don't even know if that's an accurate word to describe it).

I don't know how E knew it would make me happy, but she did. What I needed yesterday was not anything anyone could buy; I needed a boost in my spirit and she came through without being asked to do so. It's not that anyone else couldn't do that; it was just all about the timing of it. It truly made me feel better when I didn't think I could.

She knows I'm having a hard time turning 40 because she just went through it herself, dragging her feet all the way there like I am now. She knows how much I love my Chocolate Lab. She also knows I love art. And she took a photograph I took and created something so beautiful, all by hand. She didn't buy a frame and slap a picture in it; she MADE the fucking frame and cut the mats for it herself!

A-fucking-mazing! And that's why I love her. She just gets me.

The Canvas Of My Life...

2012-01-25T06:00:00.003-06:00

I need a wall I can do something like this on. I love it. I picked it up off of Pinterest and I just keep looking at it. I need a wall I can do something like this on. Now. I love this kind of art because there are so many layers to it. Everything on here is on here for a reason. That's how I look at it. It's kind of like life, in general. We are the canvas of our own lives and what is placed onto it is everything we experience.

I feel the need to create a canvas of my life that is tangible and the only way I can think of to do it is through art. Maybe a canvas of words and pictures would suit my taste.

The creative juices are flowing. It's been a long time since I've thrown myself into an art project. Now is as good a time as any. I need to do this.

Not In The Cards...

2012-01-24T06:00:00.004-06:00

If I didn't have so many responsibilities, I'd be able to afford the luxury of the nervous breakdown I deserve. But, alas, it is not meant to be. So, trudge through it all, I must. Sigh...

Searching...

2012-01-23T06:00:00.004-06:00

This is the week I'm dreading because it's the last week I'll be 39. I have been dreading turning 40 since I turned 39. I am not having an easy time with this at all.

I don't know what it is. It could be that I have four young children and they'll have an "old" Mom now. It could be that I look at turning 40 as being halfway to dead. It could be a combination of the two or much deeper than I can even perceive. Whatever it is, it keeps me crying. A lot. And it's a very difficult feeling to shake, especially since I can't pinpoint why exactly.

Anybody over 40 says it's no big deal, but it's a big deal to me. It might not be a big deal to you, but it is to me and my feelings should be respected. I don't want to hear any "over the hill" jokes or snarky comments about being an old lady. I don't want to get hurt by it because I'll never let go of that grudge. It's that serious to me.

Am I going to have a party? No different than any other year, a meal I like and cake at my parents' house on Saturday. Am I taking any delight in being halfway to dead? Absolutely not. Can I stop the inevitable? Not really because the only way to not turn 40 is to die before you do. I don't want that at all. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin...40-year-old skin. Ick.

I realize that perspective is everything and it's half the battle. However, I just can't help but think that my children get to watch my slow decline and, ultimately, my death. Maybe that's what has me so blue. Hmmm.

The idea of turning 40 suffocates my spirit. I literally can't breathe when I think about it. In fact, I can't breathe right now as I type this. I'm hoping to find a silver lining and I've spent the last year looking for one. So far, I've come up empty-handed.

Nobody understands how I feel, so it's of no use to talk about it. I just get that "whatever" look. Getting old is not going to be a picnic. And right now, I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. My "dirty thirties" are over. I'm hoping that "the event" won't be the catalyst for my downward spiral.

Bleh. At least I'm being honest. One more week. Sigh.

A Different Lens...

2012-01-22T06:00:00.000-06:00

Being a Mother allows you to experience the wonders and awe of childhood all over again, but through a different lens. I am grateful for that lens every single day.

I think of the C.S. Lewis quote above every time I read to my kids.

Great Snow...

2012-01-21T06:00:00.001-06:00

Oh. My. Word. That was a great snowstorm! It took me an hour to get home, crawling all the way there between 5-7mph. Asshats forget how to drive and I almost got hit twice, but I was so glad when I finally made it home.

When I got home, Jack and Liv were playing outside in the snow with the neighbor's kids. Liv threw snow at Jack and he was done playing. He loves the idea of playing in the snow, but he hates to get wet and cold. Liv knew that.

We got our new sexy washing machine yesterday morning. I won't even go into the whole story, but it's our second one this week and a much better model. It's so high-tech, smooth, with sparkly lights, and it plays a pretty song. And I can probably fit all four kids INSIDE it at the same time. How's THAT for bathtime?!

I'm glad it's the weekend. It was a great week, but it's always nice to rest my mind and my body whenever I want...in my jammies.

Brrrrrrr...

2012-01-20T06:00:00.000-06:00

It is sooooooo cold and soooooooo snowy today. Jack is supposed to go on his bowling field trip, but I'm hoping they don't go. They walk to the bowling alley, which is a mile from his school. With it being so bitterly cold out and the amount of snow we're going to get, I hope they reschedule the trip.

Getting home from work today is going to be a bitch. The heaviest of the snowfall will happen during my drive home. Ugh.

I just want to get home safely. That's all.

The Kindness Of Mothers...

2012-01-19T06:00:00.001-06:00

Sometimes you have to depend on the kindness of others in order to get by. How do you repay them? What is the right way to show how grateful you are when others step in and take up the slack you can't manage?

I depend on the kindness of other mothers. I am completely grateful for how they are helping us right now because we couldn't manage it easily without them.

Our neighbor takes Liv to school every morning and also brings her home. Liv and her daughter are good friends. She offered to take her to school at the beginning of the school year because she knows I work and John has the babies. She also knows that Jack's bus is set to drop him off at the exact same time Liv gets out of school. And since she's taking her own kids to school anyway, she doesn't mind taking Liv, too. She insists it's not a big deal, but it's a huge deal to me. Without her, I could never manage to get to work on time every day and Hubby would have to wake up the girls early just to whisk them off into the car to get Liv to school on time. Believe me, we're very grateful.

A mother of Liv's classmate has offered to pick her up from her afterschool art class and bring her to her house on Wednesdays. Her daughter is in the same art program Liv is in, so she doesn't think it's a big deal to bring Liv home with her so that I can pick her up from her house. I could never leave work on time and make it to Liv's school in time for her dismissal from her afterschool art program, so this Mom stepped in and offered to let Liv hang out at her house until I can pick her up after work since the school won't let her stay there until I arrive. Again, she may not think it's a big deal, but I do.

How do I show how thankful we are for what they do? Anything I think of just doesn't seem like it's enough. How do I show that I, too, am a kind mother? What would you do?

Ignorance Is The Real Tragedy...

2012-01-18T06:00:00.003-06:00

This article really pissed me off last night. I found the sign above to be fitting for how I feel and found it to be much more effective than spewing my hatred for that man all over my lovely blog. The only thing I can say is that it is painfully obvious that Bob Marshall's mother never held him enough when he was a baby. He has some serious issues with women and their choices, coupled with a severe lack of education about children and disabilities.

He probably should've been an abortion himself. I'm just sayin'.

What's #5?...

2012-01-17T06:00:00.001-06:00

I don't know if the above has any merit at all, but I absolutely cannot see the number in #5. Can you? I can see all of the other numbers just fine. Weird.

Character...

2012-01-16T06:00:00.000-06:00

I know I posted this picture not too long ago, but it's so fitting to post it again, especially today. If only pitbulls had a pioneer like MLK...

Sundays...

2012-01-15T06:00:00.000-06:00

I love Sundays. It's a lazy day for us around here. Sometimes we stay in our jammies; sometimes we don't. Hubby goes grocery shopping and I get to spend time with all the kids. Just us and nothing pressing to do. It's our day to just...be.

We might clean...or not. We might bake...or not. We might do laundry...or not. Some of us might nap...or not. We almost always just relax, hang out, and have fun. It's our day to just be our own little family. As chaotic as it can be at times, Sundays are almost always NOT chaotic because there's no pressure to be somewhere at a certain time, rush to get something done, or jockey for position in the ranks of the household. We just go about our business at a leisurely pace, stopping to embrace the most precious moments life has to offer.

Sundays are a great way for us to forget about the daily hustle and bustle, yet they prepare us for the chaos of the week ahead by allowing us to forget about it all for just one day. It is the one day of the week that I look forward to the most. It's the day I get to play school with Jack in his room, belt out Princess tunes like "Belle," with Liv, let Leia nap on my chest on the couch, and pretend play with Liesl and her Little People. It is the only day of the week that I don't mind getting up early because I know it means spending the most amazing moments with each of my children individually.

I need my Sundays.

Clever Answers...

2012-01-14T06:00:00.000-06:00

Imagine giving students a test like this and these were the answers they came up with. Ingenious!

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last battle.

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* At the bottom of the page.

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* Liquid.

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* Marriage.

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* Exams.

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner.

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half.

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
* It will simply become wet.

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands.

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
* Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Surprise...

2012-01-13T06:00:00.003-06:00

Last night, I realized that the kids and I have a three-day weekend. I was looking at my dry erase calendar and noticed that we all have Monday off for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. After a week like I've had, I am more than grateful for the extra day off. It's been a pretty chaotic week at work, so I could use the respite from it all and I rarely ever say that.

What will I do with my long weekend? That remains to be seen. Relaxing will be a gross understatement. I'm thinking a jammie day filled with baking and cooking would be a great idea. Everyone is happy when they're in comfy clothes and the house smells like love.

What's YOUR Favorite Animal?...

2012-01-12T06:00:00.000-06:00

My mother-in-law sent me this joke and I appreciate it because the kid in it says things that sound like something Liv would say. Heh.

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...

What Do You Notice?...

2012-01-11T06:00:00.003-06:00

An analysis of the above picture can tell us a lot about how different people think...

· For young men, it's a picture of a lady with a nice arse, but only the most observant will notice that she is crossing a street.

· The really observant will notice that she is wearing a thong.

· For older men, she appears to be a respectable woman, with a nice arse, on her way to work.

· The perverts among them will imagine her naked.

· Wiser men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer to take the shot in the face of such beauty and be grateful that they shared it with humanity.

· For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.

· The other half will think she is a slut, but wonder where she bought that blouse.

· Older women will imagine the misery that the woman's arse will cause by the time she reaches 50.

· But only children, the extremely observant, and the celibate will notice that the taxi is being driven by a dog.

Mostly Uneventful...

2012-01-10T06:00:00.001-06:00

Well, our first day back to school and work went well. I actually woke up before my alarm clock could ring. I don't know how or why that happened, but I'm glad. I didn't want to hear that damned thing anyway.

Jack and Liv were fine at school. I think they were glad to get back. Liesl and Leia carried on as if nothing had changed and we all weren't home together for two weeks straight. Leia only asked for me about 16 times, as opposed to 600 times on a normal day. So, I guess it was a good day after all.

And Hubby broke his toe running up the stairs to get the babies when they woke up. Ugh. That was probably the worst part of the day. And I had nothing to do with it. Heh.

If the first day back was this uneventful (for me and the kids, at least; not for my poor Hubby), I hope it means the rest of the week will go smoothly, as well. Fingers crossed.

The Daily Grind...

2012-01-09T06:00:00.002-06:00

Well, it's back to work for me and back to school for Jack and Liv today. Liesl and Leia are back to Toddler Boot Camp with Hubby. It's been a wonderful two weeks off! I'm not looking forward to waking up early, especially since I just learned how to sleep late again. Sigh...

It's back to the Old Grind, which will feel new again. Within a week, we'll be used to it again and we'll be settled into our new/old routine.

Today will be a rough one, though. Fingers crossed all will be well.

Sarcasm Somewhat Intended...

2012-01-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

I have many addictions lately.

Pinterest, Foodgawker, Craftgawker, Words with Friends, MyCityWay Chicago, Find My Friends. All of these are apps on my iPhone.

I have no idea how I'm going to be able to manage my addictions and go to work at the same time. This week is going to be rough.

Cherish...

2012-01-07T06:00:00.003-06:00

Monday is going to come really fast. That's why I need to cherish every moment with the ones I love this weekend. The daily grind is about to rear its ugly head...again.

That is all. Enjoy your weekend. I'm certainly going to try.

Meh...

2012-01-06T06:00:00.003-06:00

Hello, Friday. So we meet again. Come Monday, I'm back at work and the kids are back in school after a wonderful two weeks off together. I can't say it went by fast or slow. We took each day as it came and enjoyed them all. I can't say I'm mentally ready to get back into the daily grind, though. For me, it's a process. I have a lot on my mind right now and going back to work is just something I'm putting on the back burner until I absolutely must face it. There's nothing better than procrastination, which is so not like me at all.

So, I don't know what I'll do with my day today. I stayed in my jammies all day yesterday, so I probably shouldn't do that again today. Or maybe I will. I haven't figured it out yet. I can say, for sure, that it's pizza night. Something to look forward to, I suppose.

I wanted to start training my body (and my bowels) to get up at 5am again, but I just haven't had the balls to set the alarm clock. So, I'll just keep sleeping late and wait for Monday to shock the shit out of me. Heh. It never fails; just as I learn how to sleep late again, it's time to wake up early all over again. It figures. Happens every time.

The way I look at it, I feel like shit mentally and emotionally right now. I might as well enjoy the extra sleep I can get while I can get it. Before I know it, I'll be burning the candle at both ends again.

The Only Constant Is Change...

2012-01-05T06:00:00.004-06:00

Straight and to the point. Is it ever easy?

Brie...

2012-01-04T06:00:00.001-06:00

Brie is brie. It's good. It's buttery. The best part of it is the rind. You can't mistake brie for anything else. I like the 8oz. wheel of Brie by President. It's amazing stuff. On the right kind of cracker with a small slice of pear and a drizzle of honey, it's a gastronomic orgasm.

I sent Hubby to the store to get some brie and he said they were all sold out. So, out of the kindness of his heart, he substituted it with President Le Brie Spread, which doubles as a spread and a dip. Let me tell you how I feel about this.

The replacement product he bought was anything but wonderful. It was not buttery at all. It had the consistency of a thick sour cream/cream cheese mixture. Its flavor was so pungent, so strong that it was offensive. It actually tasted how I would assume a locker room after a high school football game would taste. Just. Plain. Awful. Worst of all, Liv actually likes it. Bleh. She can have it if she wants. If she hadn't liked it, I was going to chuck it out.

Very rarely do I ever write a review of a product on here unless it really moves me. Well, President Le Brie Spread really moved me to urge you not to buy it. It is nothing like the 8oz. wheel of brie. It's the worst stuff I ever ate.

I'm on a mission today to get my brie. And no one is going to stop me. That spread ruined my New Year's Day. Never, ever again. Next time, I will let Hubby know that he can never get a substitute for the real thing, even if he thinks it'll make me happy.

Rule #1: Never try to substitute other inferior products for things like Q-Tips (any other cotton swab is just pointless and a disaster waiting to happen), Tampax tampons (you just can't ever go generic with feminine products, even though Target has a really good brand), and the 8oz. wheel of President Brie (I don't think I need to reiterate that point).

Lesson learned.

Resolving...

2012-01-03T06:00:00.001-06:00

How's THAT for a New Year's resolution?

Food Is Love...

2012-01-02T06:00:00.003-06:00

*Sushi, brie, popcorn shrimp, crackers, peanut butter Cheerios (yes, they make those!)...all the things that were caked in Liesl's hair as she took her shower last night. Mmmmmm...

*Birthday cake, candy canes, chicken rings from White Castle...a meal for champions like Jack!

*Leia's almost-two-hour nap did her a world of good yesterday, especially since we had to go to Grandpa's birthday party later in the afternoon. She was as joyful as ever!

*Even though Liv puked her head off at my Mom's on Saturday, she still ate like a queen all day long yesterday. Quick recuperative powers!

It looks like we've started the year off on the right food...oops, I meant to write foot. Heh. Spaghetti carbonara is for dinner tonight. My guess is that Jack will probably only eat the bacon as I cook it and I'll be lucky if there's any left over for the recipe. You can never go wrong with bacon if you live in this house. Bacon = Love.

2012...

2012-01-01T06:00:00.002-06:00

Have a wonderful year, everyone!

My 2012 Dead Pool List...

2011-12-31T23:59:00.006-06:00

The moment you've all been waiting for...

These are my picks:

1. Aretha Franklin
2. Robin Gibb
3. Brooke Mueller
4. Jerry Lewis
5. Willie Mays
6. Penny Marshall
7. Zsa Zsa Gabor
8. Joe Paterno
9. Cardinal George
10. Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Good luck!

Submit Your List...

2011-12-31T06:00:00.000-06:00

As in yesterday's post, you can submit your 2012 Dead Pool List in the comments section of THIS post no later than 11:59pm tonight. I have my Dead Pool List for 2012 slated to be posted at 11:59pm tonight. You can come back at that time to view it.

You can also email me your list and I'll put it in the comments, so we have a record of it and know where to find it later.

Have a Happy New Year's Eve and make it a safe one! I will most definitely be asleep long before the apple drops in Times Square. We're real party animals over here. Heh.

A Friendly Reminder...

2011-12-30T06:00:00.000-06:00

For those of you who are playing, your Dead Pool List for 2012 is due to me by 11:59pm on December 31, 2011 (tomorrow night). Email them to me or post them in the comments section of this post. It's going to be a fun year!

I'm just sayin'.

Image Source

Loving Every Minute Of It...

2011-12-29T06:00:00.002-06:00

I'm having so much fun here at home and it's only my first week off from work! It's really nice to be with my kids all day, cook dinner, clean whatever whenever, etc. I get to see all the cute things Liesl and Leia do that I miss when I'm at work. Jack and Liv are old enough to occupy themselves and they have a lot of toys they can get lost in, but they still come down the stairs to check and see if I really am off from work; it thrills them that I'm here. Heh. Liesl and Leia are absolutely delighted to have me 100% of the time. They're pulling out all sorts of cool tricks from their arsenals.

What a wonderful way to spend my Winter Break!

I don't know who's going to have a tougher time when I go back to work on January 9th...me or the kids. It might be a tie. Sigh.

Another New Beginning...

2011-12-28T06:00:00.003-06:00

Well, in a few days it'll be 2012. This year went by quickly for me. Liesl and Leia got bigger and came into their own personalities. Jack matured with leaps and bounds. Liv seemed to have grown a foot in height. All good things.

A new year will be starting and it leaves me thinking about what I want to accomplish in it. I'm sure there will be bumps in the road, like there are in every year. We'll do our best to navigate around them or burn right through them like we always do. The main thing I want is for all of us to be healthy.

So, as we embark on yet another new beginning, I'm considering all the things that I want for our lives this coming year. Health is the main one. Health, happiness, harmony, and a little fortune can't hurt.

Silver Lining...

2011-12-27T06:00:00.003-06:00

I feel like crap. My throat is so sore. It started the night before Christmas Eve. Ugh. At least I have two weeks off from work to get better and I don't have to use any sick days. Heh.

Other than that, we're all recovering from the holiday hullaballoo. It's nice to be home, in my jammies all day long, playing with my kids. It makes me want to count the days until spring break and summer vacation. Heh. 'Cuz that's how I roll.

I guess I better start working on my Dead Pool List for 2012. I don't even think anyone I picked for this year died...yet. It figures. My luck is shitty lately, but at least I'm "enjoying" it in the comforts of my own home. Gah.

Hearing A Pin Drop...

2011-12-26T06:00:00.000-06:00

Christmas is always like a wedding. You wait and wait until it gets here and the suspense builds each day as it gets closer. Then, in the blink of an eye, it's over.

All the toys are put away in their rightful places; the house does not look like a toy store threw up in it; the dog is taking breaks from chewing her Christmas rawhide bone; and everyone is in their own corner of the house, playing with their own toys. There's no drama. Amazing.

Laundry is getting done; leftovers are in abundance, but not for long; and all of us are on vacation from school and work. Grocery shopping is on the agenda and that's pretty much it around here.

It's nice to be able to have a jammie day. No work. No school. Just all of us...having fun relaxing; no pressure, no demands, no stress. It just might possibly be what one can call "heaven on earth." Heh.

Santa...

2011-12-25T06:00:00.000-06:00

Santa came last night and brought all of the kids such cool presents! I can't wait to see their eyes light up when they see what they got. We left plenty for Santa to snack on and reindeer food for Rudolph and his troop. I think it'll be a successful night for Santa.

I probably won't see my kids much for a while. They'll be so busy playing with their new toys; they won't have time for Mom. Heh.

Have a Merry Christmas, friends. Make it a safe one!

Celebrating...

2011-12-24T06:00:00.000-06:00

Today we'll be having our Christmas Eve dinner at our house with my side of the family. I wish my Sister were here, but she's busy doing the same thing with her family in Kansas. We'll be together in spirit, for sure.

So much to do before the festivities begin. And Santa comes tonight! Wow!

The benefit of having four young children very close in age is that Christmas takes on a whole new meaning and watching it unfold through the eyes of each of them is pure magic.

Have a safe Christmas Eve, folks!

Taking A Break...

2011-12-23T06:00:00.003-06:00

It's my last day of work before winter break. It's also Jack and Liv's last day of school. We'll all be off for two whole weeks!

It's going to be very busy for the next few days. After the holiday is over, it's jammie days for us...every single day, if we can.

I sooooooo need the break and so do the kids. It'll be a nice change of pace, even though we'll be sick of each other in a week. Heh.

What I Really Want For Christmas...

2011-12-22T06:00:00.002-06:00

I know it sounds cliche, but I just want everyone I love to be healthy. Seriously. The holidays are stressful enough; add in a few illnesses and it just puts everything into perspective.

I just want health...for me, my children, my family, etc. I just want everyone to be...fine.

Is that so much to ask? Really?

Stick A Fork In Me...

2011-12-21T06:00:00.002-06:00

I'm done. I'm sooooo done. Holiday treats have all been made in the last few days. This includes four batches of reindeer chow and six hundred assorted pretzel treats. Christmas cards were made, stuffed, addressed, stamped, and sent out last night. The beef tenderloin for Christmas Eve was also ordered from our butcher. Hubby cleaned every surface in the house yesterday, as well, with hospital-grade disinfectant and laundered all the bedding in the house. This is how we roll.

Other than that, I'm feeling quite done now. I just need to get through the next three days at work and our two-week winter break begins. It'll be the longest three days of my life. We all sooooo need the break. I need some serious jammie days.

Is it Friday yet? Sigh.

I Need A Nap...

2011-12-20T06:00:00.000-06:00

What I've done in the last two days:

*I made two batches of Reindeer Chow (I'll also be making two more batches after I get home from work today.)
*I made six hundred pretzel treats (pretzel-pecan-Rolo turtles and pretzel-Hershey Kiss-M&M treats).
*Four loads of laundry on Sunday
*Last night, I looked through the hundreds of pictures I took of the kids in the last week or so to find The One for our holiday cards, which I ordered and were ready an hour later.
*Worked a full day on very tired and achy feet

What I'm going to do today:

*Put in a full day at work.
*Come home and make two more batches of Reindeer Chow.
*Get the twins into bed while Hubby and Jack go see Livie sing in her Holiday Show.
*Stuff the envelopes, put on the address and return labels, and mail these damned holiday cards once and for all.
*Start working on my Dead Pool List for 2012
*Pack up all the goodies I've made; labels will get put on later.
*Collapse into a heap of exhaustion, but not before I put my ankle braces on. My feet, unfortunately, are twice my chronological age.

What's on YOUR list of things to do today?

Cutting It Close...

2011-12-19T06:00:00.002-06:00

Jack, Leia, Liv, and Liesl

It's not a bad picture. I don't like how it cropped, but it'll do, I suppose. Now, I need to get this made into a card, stuff all the envelopes, put stamps on, seal the bastards, print address labels, print return address labels, and mail them all before Christmas. I have never waited this late to send out our cards. Gah!

It almost doesn't seem worth it this year. I baked a massive amount of treats yesterday and did a ridiculous amount of laundry. The kids' teachers will receive their presents today. I'm completely exhausted right now. This whole Christmas card thing just might not happen this year. I'm still on a fence about it. So much pressure.

If I do find the energy to do it, the picture above will be "The One."

Burning Daylight...

2011-12-18T06:00:00.003-06:00

OMG. Six days until our Christmas Eve dinner and seven days until Santa comes to our home. I can't believe it's already upon us!

The kids still have school this week and I have work. Yes, all week long. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to budget my time between wrapping, baking, doing Xmas cards (which is still up in the air right now), and working. Nevermind spending time with my kids, duh. By the time next weekend comes, I'm going to be completely pooped.

Nevertheless, I have a lot to do today. Baking treats is the major one, next to laundry, of course. There is A LOT of laundry to be done today. Hubby will be grocery shopping and finishing the last of the Christmas shopping in a little while. Hopefully, the kids will help me make goodies for gifts. I handmade all of their teachers' and aides' presents last weekend; there were twelve, to be exact.

So much to be done, so little time left. I do not burn the midnight oil anymore; therefore, I have learned how to use every last bit of my waking hours wisely. Here's to another chaotic day!

Girly, Little, & Tiny...

2011-12-17T06:00:00.003-06:00

In my lifetime, I have loved some very gentle pitbulls who were always great with my children. I think when this breed is placed into the right person's care, they can become wonderful members of the family. Pitbulls have a bad reputation, but it's only due to their reckless owners who abuse these beautiful dogs. If only there was a way to screen these people and follow these dogs throughout their lives, just to make sure they were taken care of properly...

The Lunch Experiment...

2011-12-16T06:00:00.001-06:00

As I posted yesterday, Liv decided to try two days' worth of school lunch from her cafeteria. She described the pizza on Wednesday as "doughy." The verdict today? Well...

Liv opted out of the roast turkey with gravy because she said it looked "disgusting." She wanted to try it so badly, but when she saw what it looked like, she took a pass and had the PBJ instead. My dumb ass paid $2.25 for her to eat PBJ yesterday from her school's cafeteria, but I had to let her learn the "hard" way. Grrrrr.

She and I both learned important lessons. She learned to appreciate the lunches I make for her and will only eat the school lunch on pizza day now. I, on the other hand, have learned that I will ONLY pay for her to eat lunch at the school's cafeteria ONE day a week. Any more than that and I might as well just burn the money.

I explained to Liv that she shouldn't describe the food as "disgusting" in front of her classmates because some of those kids aren't as fortunate as her and it's the only food they get. They actually rely on those meals and get them for free. She seemed to understand it, which was good, and she will appreciate what I pack for her now.

A lesson in sensitivity is always a good one. She's only five, but she's always been compassionate.

My Little Food Critic...

2011-12-15T06:00:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, I let Liv eat from the cafeteria at her school. She'd been begging me for a couple weeks, but I always make her lunch so I know exactly what she's eating. Plus, I work in a public school; I know what they serve and it's not always appetizing. We don't qualify for free or reduced lunch because of my income, so I have to pay full price if she wants to eat the cafeteria food. Since it's $2.25, it's more economical for us if she brings her lunch each day.

I broke down and paid the fee so she could eat pizza yesterday. She was unbelievably thrilled and ate the whole piece! However, she described it as, "doughy." Now, she wants to eat their food again today. It's roast turkey with gravy, her choice of sweet potato or spinach, and her choice of fresh fruit or a fruit cup. I paid for it already, so let's see how much she likes it today. I paid for two days because she just couldn't make up her mind about which food she wanted to eat, so I let her try both. Let's see what she has to say about the turkey. Heh.

I told her she could eat the cafeteria food one day a week and it'll be like a treat for her. She's cool with that deal. Her lunch wasn't all rainbows and unicorns, though.

The thing that pissed me off the most was that one of her classmates kept fucking around with her lunch tray and he spilled her milk on purpose. The adults who were supervising knew the kid did it on purpose and didn't let her get another milk. So she ate her "doughy" pizza without anything to drink because the adults around her didn't want to get her a replacement, even though it was the boy's fault. Bastards. Mark my words, it will be the LAST time that ever happens to her. I'll make sure of it.

Cutting Down The List...

2011-12-14T06:00:00.000-06:00

Well, our holiday shopping is almost completed. Hubby went out with a list the other day and knocked off most of the gifts on it. What we couldn't find, we ordered. There are only a couple things left to get and those won't be hard to do.

Now, onto the holiday baking, which isn't really going to be baking this year. I'm making simple things that don't require slaving over the mixer for hours and baking into the wee hours of the morning. While I love the smell of kolacky cookies in this house, I just don't have the energy to do that this year. Shit...I haven't even sent out holiday photo cards yet. The latter may or may not get done. We'll see. We've got a lot going on over here.

That is all for now. Have a happy Wednesday!

Is That All?...

2011-12-13T06:00:00.000-06:00

Nine more work days left until Winter Break. I think I can do it.
Sigh.

Manila, Not Managua...

2011-12-12T06:00:00.001-06:00

My Sister posted this picture of our family on Facebook the other day. I probably wasn't even two years old in this photo. My husband says I looked like a little Filipino kid right off the boat from Managua. I corrected him gently by letting him know my grandfather came here from Manila.

It gets me thinking. My children are such a huge mixture of ethnicities. That's probably why they're so beautiful. Heh. I've been doing research on our family tree and have found that my Gram's mother was Polish and Austrian, yet she departed for the U.S. from the Netherlands. We did not know they were Austrian at all. I'm still in the beginning stages of gathering information about the ancestors whose names I know. It's very intriguing, to say the least. There's a lot of research to do and it's so much fun, but time-consuming and you never know if you're right unless you dig even deeper.

My children have German, Polish, Austrian, Filipino, Norwegian, British, Irish, Hungarian (my husband says his father's family was Hungarian of Austrian descent; the boundaries were sketcky during the war), and I-don't-know-what-else in their blood. It's amazing how significant physical features of each nationality can be seen in each of my children sometimes. I figure that one day all people will look the same and there will be no such thing as a nationality. We will all blend someday.

Easy Art...

2011-12-11T06:00:00.001-06:00

Next summer, I'd like to try this with my kids. I saw this on Pinterest and it's so simple. With the intense heat of our summers, this should be a breeze to do. You just glue the crayons to the board or canvas and sit it upright in the sun. After a while, depending on how hot it is, you have your own piece of wall art. Too easy!

Leave it to me to be thinking about summer when it's so damned cold outside right now. I guess that tells you where my mind is...summer vacation. Heh.

Down Time...

2011-12-10T06:00:00.004-06:00

I am excited for next week. I have some cool projects to do with my students and I'm a bit psyched about it. I'm such a nerd.

It was a long week for me, physically and mentally. I'm glad relief is in sight. Don't ask me to elaborate any more than that. Just know that it was a very hard week.

I'm glad it's the weekend. I need some down time with my family.

Friday Funny...

2011-12-09T06:00:00.002-06:00

If I were that teacher, I would've shit in my pants if one of my students turned this in to me. If I were that mother, however, I'd be mortified. Heh.

A New Recipe...

2011-12-08T06:00:00.001-06:00

I made these last night. They are soooooo unbelievably good! They're like Rice Krispie treats, but using Oreos instead. You MUST try this! Three simple ingredients and you never even have to turn the oven on.

I'll definitely make these again!

Something Good From The Vatican?...

2011-12-07T06:00:00.000-06:00

Here is an amazing bit of technology that you would never see in person, as you would NEVER be alone in the room. It is ALWAYS VERY CROWDED and, of course, you can't see Michelangelo's artwork as close up as you can here. This is especially spectacular if you have a large high-definition screen! Too many details to view on a phone.

TO VIEW EVERY PART OF THE MICHELANGELO'S MASTERPIECE, JUST CLICK AND DRAG YOUR ARROW IN THE DIRECTION YOU WISH TO SEE. MOVE THE MOUSE AROUND AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. YOU CAN ZOOM IN AND BACK OUT WITH THE BOXES ON THE LEFT.

In the lower left, click on the plus (+) to move closer, on the minus (-) to move away. Choir is thrown in free. MOVE THE ARROW AND YOU WILL SEE EVERY PART OF THE CHAPEL.
This virtual tour of the Sistine Chapel is incredible, apparently done by Villanova at the request of the Vatican. Go on and click the link below. It's incredibly beautiful.

The Sistine Chapel

They Know Me...

2011-12-06T06:00:00.002-06:00

Doesn't this explain Motherhood so well? It's amazing how many cool things I can find here.

Random Thoughts...

2011-12-05T06:00:00.002-06:00

*I have the Griswolds living across the street from me. They literally put up so much lighted Christmas stuff that it's an embarrassment to the neighborhood, really. I'm glad we're not that family.

*I'm so glad I don't do any of the holiday shopping. I have no patience for crowds or people who don't know the unspoken parking rules during the holidays. Hubby is much better than I am at all of that.

*The hawk has come, yet again, this winter. He comes every year and feasts off the neighborhood pigeons. Since the lady across the alley feeds those pigeons she thinks are her pets, that hawk has a lot of meals this time of year. Judging by the amount of feathers in my backyard this morning, I would say that hawk had his Thanksgiving meal just a bit later than normal.

*I've decided to pare down on the holiday baking. I simply don't have the time. Frankly, I don't know how I did it the past two years while having four small children running around. I must've been sniffing glue back then. Now that the twins are two years old, they get into everything and make life quite exciting. I've found simpler recipes that require less time and ingredients and I'm vowing not to go crazy with it this year. My time is better spent elsewhere (i.e. with my kids, enjoying the wonders of the season, etc.). Besides, no one will be upset about it; they all thought I was nuts doing all that baking before. Heh.

*I'll be lucky if I get holiday cards out at all this year. It's a bitch getting a picture of all four kids. I have pictures of two at a time that I can choose and send a holiday card collage out. It's just harder to get motivated about it this year. Liv is sick; Jack is now sick; life is more chaotic than usual right now. A picture is the last thing from my mind right now.

*Three more full weeks of work and the kids and I will be off for two weeks during our winter break. It's hard to believe how fast this school year is going. It makes me feel old. Time just doesn't seem to ever stand still like it did when I was a kid.

*Yesterday, I had a jammie day and made chocolate chip cookies with my kids. It was the best day ever. I wish every day could be like that.

*If I was independently wealthy, I'd homeschool my kids and we'd go everywhere. School could be so much fun at home. Kids are totally different animals when they're learning at their own pace while doing things they like to do the most. Wishful thinking...

Here We Go Again...

2011-12-04T06:00:00.003-06:00

It never fails. As soon as everyone is feeling just fine and no one is sick, we get hit with another round of school viruses. Jack has been running a fever on and off since Friday night. Liv has a yeast infection or some type of fungal infection down there; we're hoping the Nystatin works quickly. It's pretty bad. I'm waiting to see how long it takes Liesl and Leia to get sick, too. I know it won't be long. As long as no one gets Liv's problem, all will be well.

And we'll just keep passing Jack's virus back and forth for months. Here we go again.

Moving...

2011-12-03T06:00:00.003-06:00

This photograph is of the Tectonic Plate Gap Between Europe and North America; I found it here. Everything about this photograph just freaks me out! For one thing, I'm terrified of large bodies of water that would require me to swim for my life if I were far from land. Another thing, the whole tectonic plate gap thing is absolutely surreal to me. The mere thought that the top layer of the earth is constantly moving just gives me the chills. I thought I'd share this photo with you because it's so...moving. *Pun partially intended*

A Day To Remember...

2011-12-02T06:00:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was a very busy day. I was able to spend some quality Mama time with Liesl and Leia in the morning and it was wonderful. Of course, Leia didn't wake up until 11:30am! What a stinker! Nevertheless, it's rare that I ever get to spend time with the twins by myself. They are such a delightful duo.

I actually took the day off to go to Jack's IEP meeting and we rewrote the whole thing. It was wonderful to be a part of it and work with people who love Jack as much as I do. It felt like these people were family, a tight-knit group of people all working together for something good. What a great experience! Jack was delighted to see me and didn't mind coming home with me, instead of taking the school bus. The first thing he said when he saw me was, "I love you, Mom!" Melted my heart.

Afterward, I had to take Liv to the doctor. She has a raging yeast infection in her lady area. When I say it's red, I mean angry red with lots of red dots all over her thighs and butt. Poor thing couldn't stop itching and it just started the other day. It literally got a thousand times worse overnight. I don't know how that kid is able to walk. She's got Nystatin ointment now, but it's incredibly difficult for her, emotionally and physically. She's having a tough time right now. I'm almost tempted to keep her home from school and take another day off from work just to snuggle with her. I'll play it by ear. Most likely, I'll send her to school so she can get her mind off of it. She won't itch while she's there.

In between Jack's IEP meeting and Liv's doctor appointment, we decided to put our Christmas tree up. We hadn't intended on doing it yet, but it was a great idea to kill time. Jack and Liv decorated the whole thing, except for the ornaments that are at the top and the back of the tree; I did that part. The rest was them, though. They did a great job and were so excited about it, especially because it came as a complete surprise! Liesl and Leia didn't care much until it was done.

While Liv and I were at the drugstore, waiting to pick up her medicine, she actually picked out a Christmas present for Jack. She got him a Cars bowling set, keeping in mind how much he loves bowling. Imagine that! That girl has a heart of gold.

It's officially Christmas in the House of Eatmisery! Can you see the dog bone on our tree? I may have taken the day off from work, but I was busier than I've been in a very long time. If I had started my Christmas baking (like I'd contemplated), I would've called this day "epic." Heh. Still, it was very full and lovely and everybody needed Mama time. Nothing but love.

Revisions...

2011-12-01T06:00:00.003-06:00

Today, I'm taking the day off from work. I have a meeting with Jack's teacher and therapists at his school at around noon. We're getting together to rewrite his IEP goals and ditch his behavior plan. Since Jack is the "good boy" in class this year, he really has no need for a behavior plan anymore. Yay! Rewriting his goals also makes sense because last year's behaviors are no longer present, making some of those goals unnecessary. Plus, he's changed a lot in six months, so he's mastered many of his goals and can handle more rigorous ones now.

I'm looking forward to the meeting. Jack has a great team in his corner at school; they know what they're doing and they're very proactive. I'm so pleased to be a part of this process, especially since I know all of us have Jack's best interests in mind. The IEP is a living, breathing document that isn't just supposed to go into a filing cabinet and never looked at; it's a document that is supposed to be used and be useful in mapping out his educational future. I'm glad the team feels this way, too. Never before have I felt that Jack is in the best place possible until now. I really feel like I'm part of a system that truly works. Some schools aren't like that, though, and I'm so glad Jack doesn't have a lazy teacher. She knows what he can do and what he struggles with and she wants the same thing I do...Jack to be successful and challenged, but not overwhelmed.

I'm hoping it's a good day.

What A Ride!...

2011-11-30T06:00:00.003-06:00

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!

Yesterday's Pains...

2011-11-29T06:00:00.004-06:00

My neck is killing me. I woke up yesterday morning from the pain. I think I slept on it funny because when I woke up, I wasn't in a position that is normal for me. Advil barely touched the pain. And, frankly, I'm no better today, either. Gah!

Jack finally broke down and went poo at school. He usually waits until he gets home to go, but he just couldn't hold it, so he went at school. Unfortunately, he didn't wipe himself well enough and he wound up with a sore butt. His poor little taint was an angry red. It's kind of funny to hear him say the word, "taint." At least he knows what it is now. Heh.

Leia was a bear yesterday evening. I'm sure it's gastrointestinal issues. She had her dose of raisins today, just in case she's gets a belly ache from her hard turds. Poor baby. At the rate she's going, we'll never be able to take a holiday picture because she's always so fussy.

Liv is a big ball of sass. Enough said. She can inflict pain on our ears, at times, simply because she's so LOUD when she's snarky. If she were quieter about it, it might be tolerable.

Liesl is no pain at all...ever. She's as pleasant and docile and charming and sweet as ever. She makes up for her sisters.

Yesterday was just one big pain after another. I'm hoping today is a better day. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to eat some Advil for breakfast.

Look At Mom...

2011-11-28T06:00:00.003-06:00

I'm still trying to take that holiday picture of my four kids. I must've taken over a hundred pictures yesterday and there always seemed to be ONE kid who was just not cooperating. It's extremely hard to get all four kids to look straight into the camera and smile. I took a sweet picture with my phone a few days ago and I posted it here a few days back. I like that picture because it's so unrehearsed and genuine. Hubby doesn't like it because Liesl's eyes aren't open. He prefers a different picture that I took at the end of this summer. I'd rather do a new one.

I'm totally fine with finding two separate pictures (one of Jack and Liv; one of Liesl and Leia) and putting them on our holiday card. It's doable and I have the pictures already. It's just not the same as getting all four in one frame. Sigh.

I'm going to keep working on that. It'll happen when I least expect it, I'm sure.

Because He Said So...

2011-11-27T06:00:00.003-06:00

We are sooooooooo resting today. We've been very busy since Thursday with nothing but wonderful family gatherings. However, today we will rest and we really, really need it.

Last night when we got home, Jack asked me what tomorrow was. I told him that it was Sunday. He didn't even bat an eyelash before he instructed me that we would be staying home. I let him know I had no problem with that at all. Jack declared today an official Jammie Day. Smart kid.

It's been so busy that we're all happy to have a day to just be and do nothing. I don't even plan on doing laundry or baking. We're just going to retreat to our own caves and chill out all day long. The next four weeks until Christmas Break are full, five-day weeks of work and school for us. It's going to be a rough month ahead.

So, if you'll excuse me now, I'm going to lie down on my bed, turn on the Roku box, and watch some holiday movies with all of my kids. It's going to be a good day.

It Works...

2011-11-26T06:00:00.003-06:00

I live a chaotic life. Many people don't understand it and plenty would never be able to handle it. I love it, though. It is never, ever dull.

I have four children between the ages of two and six years old. They all have different personalities and temperaments. Add two adults and a dog to the mix and you've got a recipe for excitement!

Hubby is a Stay-at-Home-Dad and I work full-time as a teacher. It's an ideal situation, really. We're both very good at what we do. I get home early every day and when I do, Hubby gets his relief "pitcher." We've worked out a great system that is beneficial to all of us and we're able to live on my income solely. Sure, we've made sacrifices, but it beats having one of our paychecks go straight to daycare/aftercare for four children. That's ridiculous! Hubby is great at what he does, day in and day out. No one could ever do what he does. And as soon as I get into my car to come home, I take my Teacher Hat off and put on my Mommy Hat and I gear up for the demands of four children while I "decompress" on the way home. My day is nonstop, but it's always good.

Some may think my life is overwhelming; at times, it can be. The pros always outweigh the cons, though. Some days are really great; some days are good; some days are ones we'd all like to do over. Isn't that how anyone's days can be? We're no different than anyone else; there are just more of us in this house.

I am grateful for every single one of my children and the joys they bring me each day. I am lucky to have a full house with such amazing kids that keep my heart and soul young. They can be challenging and demanding, but they are always the reason I wake up every morning. I'll never take that for granted.

Medicine For My Soul...

2011-11-25T06:00:00.001-06:00

Little by little, I'm getting our holiday decorations put up. I can't go hog wild, though, because Liesl and Leia are so curious about what the heck I'm doing to the house. They are two years old, after all, so they have brains that are working overtime, plotting world domination.

I put up lights inside the house, around the windows. I'm wondering how long it will be before the little ones mess with them. So far, Liesl keeps trying to blow them out, as if they were birthday candles. It's kinda cute watching her do it. Leia is just fascinated by it all. Both girls are going to shit in their pants when they see the Christmas tree go up and get decorated. I'm looking forward to that very much. It's the first "conscious" Christmas the girls will experience. They couldn't possibly remember last year's holiday because they were still so little, not even walking yet. This year, they'll actually appreciate all the hullaballoo. Jack and Liv love decorating. They give me the orders and I do all the work.

I'm really excited this holiday season! All four of my kids are full of joy, wonder, and awe. Just watching them sing and dance to holiday music is all the medicine my heart and soul will ever need.

Gobble, Gobble...

2011-11-24T06:00:00.000-06:00

Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone! And don't do gross things to birds in your kitchen!

Just An Idea...

2011-11-23T06:00:00.002-06:00

I can't believe Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Wasn't I just dreading the beginning of the school year because I'd miss my kids so much after our wonderful summer together? Yeesh. It seems as if the older I get, the faster time flies right past me. Bleh.

I've been toying with the idea of having a professional portrait taken of the kids for our holiday cards. It's expensive, though. And since we just plunked down almost two grand to fix one of our cars, it's not like I can just make an appointment for a sitting. I guess I'll just take the picture myself; I have an awesome camera, after all. They don't usually turn out too bad. I just wish I could get a professional portrait one of these days. I don't know how people afford to do it regularly just to mark milestones. That can be so costly. Maybe I'm just looking at the wrong places, but Target seemed awfully expensive to me.

I guess I should get on that photo sometime soon. I'm sure by the time I take a decent picture (that will no doubt take eighty photos to get) the kids will look different once the cards get mailed. It never fails. They grow up so fast, even faster as I age. Sigh...

Most Days Are Good...

2011-11-22T06:00:00.004-06:00

Yep, some days it sure feels like that. Most days are good, but some days are just tough. I wouldn't trade any of those days for anything in the world, though. I love my children.

I think the look on the woman's face in the picture is funny. She has that just-discovered-crystal-meth look goin' on, but her teeth aren't missing...yet. Heh.

Snips & Snails...

2011-11-21T06:00:00.000-06:00

I knew the day was coming. I just didn't know when it would happen. Everyone has done it before, even if our parents disapprove at the time. It's one of those inevitable childhood incidents that most of us have school pictures to prove for our adventures.

Yes, Jack finally cut his own hair. He's always been pretty good with scissors. He's careful and meticulous with his cutting and always cleans up his mess immediately. Unfortunately, he decided to take that craftsmanship to his own head. It doesn't look that bad, but he has two bald spots on top that are pretty obvious. Luckily, he got a haircut recently. Had he done this prior to his haircut, it would've looked ridiculously obvious and I would've had to give him a baldy sour myself.

Livie did the same thing a few weeks ago and got grounded from the scissors for a week. I'm just glad he didn't cut Liesl or Leia's hair. That really would've given me the gun-in-my-mouth blues.

And just think...I have two more kids who will no doubt do the same thing someday. The fun just never ends around here. Heh.

The Butterfly...

2011-11-20T06:00:00.000-06:00

I often think of this and smile because it makes so much sense to me. At times, I think it was written with me in mind. Heh.

Apps On The Brain...

2011-11-19T06:00:00.000-06:00

Well, I got my iPhone 4S yesterday and there's no turning back. I've already put a dozen autism apps on it for Jack and some sight words flashcards. I'm still looking through all the apps. It feels like I didn't sleep at all last night. I think I dreamt about apps.

I've got apps on the brain. It looks like I'm going to be a very, very busy bee now...as if I wasn't busy before. Yeesh. I've got to get the hang of this phone now and I won't rest until I do. It's my nature.

Blackberry just lost two more customers.

4S...

2011-11-18T06:00:00.002-06:00

Hubby got me a 4S iPhone for Christmas. Currently, I have a Blackberry that I've had for years. I really like the full keyboard on it and I'm not sure how I'll get used to using an iPhone. I'm by no means ungrateful; I'm just not good with this kind of change. I was comfortable and now I'm going to be out of my comfort zone.

Lots of people love their iPhones. It's something I'm definitely going to have to get used to using. I'm sure that after a while I'll probably love it. I'm just really going to miss my Blackberry. She was good to me.

What's the big deal about iPhones anyway? Why does everyone seem to have them? I'm just curious about what I'm going to be throwing myself into. Soooooo nervous. It's change, after all.

Gush...

2011-11-17T06:00:00.003-06:00

I went to pick up the kids' report cards yesterday and was very happy with their progress. Both of them had very good reports. Jack is doing a phenomenal job (so much so that we need to revisit and rewrite his IEP goals in all areas to reflect his current strengths/weaknesses and get rid of his behavior plan because he doesn't have any behavior issues anymore!) and Liv is adjusting very well to kindergarten. Both of them have done an incredible job!

I am so happy with how everything has turned out, so far. Everything said was positive, upbeat, and wonderful. I couldn't be more pleased.

Excuse me while I gush...and gloat (a little). Heh.

In Twenty Years...

2011-11-16T06:00:00.001-06:00

Something to definitely live by...

Thankful...

2011-11-15T06:00:00.002-06:00

I am thankful for...

...a husband who cooks, does laundry, and cleans the house
...healthy, happy, smart, good looking children
...a career I love
...a supportive family, near and far
...a mother-in-law I adore
...my health
...the ability to support my family financially
...hot water
...warm comforters and soft sheets
...hot coffee every morning
...my car
...the peace in my heart
...a boss who knows what she's doing
...my Nook Color
...the love of my children
...my five senses
...my devoted and lovable Labrador
...indoor plumbing

This list could go on forever because there is so much to be thankful for each day. What are YOU thankful for?

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

2011-11-14T06:00:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Hubby cooked a big breakfast of pancakes and bacon. It tends to make the house stink like bacon forever if we don't ventilate it. Unfortunately, the storm windows were on, so he had to open up one of the windows in the living room, minus a screen. Much to my dismay, two yellow jackets entered the house and what started as a lovely Sunday turned into a chaotic day.

Jack had noticed the first yellow jacket in the kitchen as it zoomed at my face and he was NOT happy about it. It wound up high in the skylight in our kitchen. I knew it went there because Liesl kept telling me there was a bug in the sky. The second yellow jacket was trapped between the blinds and the big picture window in our living room. So, what's a mother to do with four screaming kids between 2-6 years old while Hubby is out running errands?

Naturally, I locked all of us in our bedroom, turned on the Roku box, and all of us chilled on my king size bed, not wanting to let the yellow jackets into the room. I knew we were safe there. I was equipped with sippy cups, diapers, wipes, and the phones; it's all we needed. I called Hubby on his cell phone and left a message, but I'd inadvertently called my OWN cell phone and left said message. The kids were going apeshit, the dog was getting stir crazy, and I had to pee. It was a disaster. The kids were kept busy with episodes of their favorite shows, but by the time it was all over, I was Yo-Gabba-Gabba-ed out. The doorbell rang, but I didn't want to answer it. The next thing I know, my brother is on the phone telling me he's at my front door wondering where the hell everyone is. I braved the stinging yellow jackets and ran to the front door, ducking and weaving. I let him in, telling him we had yellow jackets in the house. Minutes later, Hubby came home and I informed him of what's been going on. He's mad that I didn't keep our bedroom door open so that the invaders could go in there and be let out the door. Grrrrrrrrr.

My brother killed the yellow jacket in the living room, but the one that was in the kitchen skylight was never found. I slept fitfully last night, wondering if I was going to become that monster's next meal. Even Liesl keeps looking at the skylight in the kitchen and shouting, "Bug!" It's killing me, really.

I'm just wondering how long it can survive in my house and where I'll find it once it dies. Ugh. I really hate those things and so do my kids. I don't care if they're outside because they won't bother you unless you bother them first. In the house, however, it's a different story because they will panic and attack you even if you're not in their way. What a Sunday!

Love In Black & White...

2011-11-13T06:00:00.001-06:00

Leia Belle - 2 years old

Liv Addison - 5 years old

Jack Gregory - 6 years old

Liesl Marion - 2 years old

I am so lucky they picked me to be their Mom. Even rough days are good days for the simple fact that they're all in my life. I never take it for granted. Take a look at all of their eyes; I made those eyes inside my own body. Every time I look at them, I am humbled that I was given the honor of being their Mother. It's the most rewarding hat I've ever worn.

Broken Down There...

2011-11-12T06:00:00.002-06:00

The Duggars are mentally ill if they think that having their 20th child is "God's plan." The picture above was taken a while ago; they've added five more kids since then and there's one more on the way.

I don't give a shit if they are religious people who feel that having all of these children is what God wants for them. Michelle Duggar cannot possibly spend quality one-on-one time with ALL of her kids EVERY single day. There aren't enough hours in the day! Having a sibling care for their younger siblings is not anything like a mother's care, nor is it fair to the siblings.

There is no reasonable explanation for having 20 children other than there being some degree of mental illness. Just because you CAN reproduce, doesn't mean you SHOULD. With all of the complications from her last pregnancy, you'd think they would've used some common sense. Twenty children is excessive, no matter how good of a mother you are. It's just plain ridiculous.

With any luck, "God" will make this her last pregnancy. At some point, the body just can't do it anymore. While I'm not wishing her ill, I wonder why her OB/GYN hasn't had a serious talk with her about what birthing 20 kids will do to her body and the risks involved. She's not young anymore and her last child (who was born very, very premature) has serious developmental issues. It could happen again. Then again, she is delusional thinking that whatever happens is because "God" wanted it to happen.

Someone get this woman a good psychiatrist. She clearly has some serious issues going on. And while you're at it, call DCFS. This has GOT to be considered child abuse.

11-11-11...

2011-11-11T06:00:00.002-06:00

It's important to recognize our veterans whether they are alive or not. Many people have given their lives for our country, served with great pride, and some are still deployed overseas. Take a moment to recognize that today, whether it's with a prayer, putting up your flag, or writing a blog post. Without their contribution, we'd have no defense as a country.

My grandfather served in the U.S. Navy during World War II. He loved his country enough to do it. I feel it's important to recognize and remember those who served and continue to serve in the armed forces. It's the least I can do.

Food For Thought...

2011-11-10T06:00:00.001-06:00

This spoke to me and I couldn't agree more. It's funny how you read something and wish you'd known that before all those years of therapy. Heh.

Gearing Up...

2011-11-09T06:00:00.000-06:00

I'm gearing up for the craziness of the holiday season. It seems that right after Halloween, things get nuts. There's shopping to be done, gifts to wrap, baking to be done, presents for teachers to be made, etc. From the start of November until the holiday season is over, it's absolutely chaotic. Throw four kids between 2-6yo and it's even MORE frenetic. Heh.

Oh, the joys of the season! I'm waiting to see how soon the holiday music starts playing on the radio. And the snow. Yeesh, the Chicago snow. Supposedly, this winter is predicted to be just as bad or worse than last year. I think I'm secretly praying for another wicked record-breaking blizzard. Then again, any snow days for the school system would have to be made up at the end of the school year. Not so much fun, after all, when I think about it rationally.

Thanksgiving isn't even here yet, but the holiday music and spirit are already singing in my heart. After all, I have four lovely miracles to be thankful for each day.

Time Well Spent...

2011-11-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

I attended a parent workshop last night at my daughter's school. It was called, "Managing Friendships and Feelings." It was geared toward parents who want to help their kids in preschool and kindergarten with articulating their feelings about what's happening around them. Lots of times, kids will say they aren't friends anymore when what they really mean is, "You won't do what I want to do, so I don't want to play with you." Or the kids will get upset when they see their friend playing with someone else (at that age, they always think they only have ONE friend and don't realize they can have more). I went to the workshop because Liv has been experiencing these kinds of frustrations lately.

Last week, one girl told her that she's not her friend anymore and a boy in class told Liv he doesn't want to play with her anymore because she's not a boy. I gave Liv suggestions about what to do with the girl (ask her why you're not friends anymore, apologize if she tells you that you hurt her feelings, etc.). The girl didn't respond to Liv, so I simply told her to find a different friend, which she did and all is well now. As for the boy, I told her there really wasn't anything she could do about being a girl and that kid will eventually want to play with her again in the future when he figures out how cool girls really are. Heh.

The workshop helped me understand how to help Liv deal with her intense feelings when it comes to friendships at school. Last week, she didn't want to go to school anymore and it was because of these conflicts, but she just couldn't articulate that to me. I figured it out after a series of questions. It was helpful to see other suggestions at the workshop. I met a lot of parents whose children are also experiencing the same things as my own.

I will attend another one of their workshops when they offer them and I also offered suggestions on other topics they could cover. I must say it was time well spent.

Keeping Busy...

2011-11-07T06:00:00.003-06:00

My kids have three-day school weeks for three weeks in a row. Hubby's going to be worn out by the end of the month. This week, Thursday is a professional development day/end of the first quarter and Friday is Veterans Day; I work Monday through Thursday, but only have students three days. Next week, report card day is Wednesday and Friday is a staff development day; I work all week, but only have students for three of those days. The following week, everyone is off on Thursday and Friday for Thanksgiving. And Thanksgiving weekend is going to be very, very busy.

I can't believe the kids have six days off this month! It's crazy! Poor Hubby's going to be having a few "busy" weeks this month. It won't be anything earplugs can't cure for him, though. Heh.

Finn's Baby Song...

2011-11-06T06:00:00.001-06:00

It's driving my husband absolutely nuts, but I simply cannot stop singing this song! It's so catchy!

LYRICS
I'm a buff baby that can dance like a man
I can shake-ah my fanny, I can shake-ah my can
I'm a tough tooting baby I can punch-o your buns, punch-o your buns, I can punch on your buns
If you're an evil witch I will punch you for fun!

Thinking...

2011-11-05T06:00:00.001-05:00

Everything we experience becomes part of our journey. I've always known that, but I've been thinking about it more and more lately. We all have our separate journeys, but our families also have their own journey as a group. And if I think about it too much, I get sad because I know I won't live forever because my steps here on earth are limited.

The future is always uncertain and you never know if you'll be here tomorrow. I guess I'm thinking about it because I've heard of a few deaths this past week, unnecessary ones that didn't have to happen. A car accident killed one of our former and one of our current students. He was 15 and his little sister was only in second grade, just a little older than my son Jack. I didn't know either of them personally, but it affected me as a mother, especially since their mother was the only survivor and she's still in critical condition. I can't imagine how she will cope with the loss of her entire family if she even survives her injuries. I know that I would rather die than live without my children and husband. Plus, the fact that children died really gets to me; I don't understand why their journey was cut short. It doesn't make any sense to me. They didn't get enough steps.

I am reminded to enjoy every part of my journey with my family. We each are making our ways in this world, whether we're two years old or thirty-nine, autistic or neurotypical, male or female, leaders or followers. Our steps on this earth are limited and we need to love each other like there's no tomorrow and live without any regrets. Whether your journey is smooth or rough, you need to embrace it for what it is because you learn something from it every day and it makes you a better person. Right now, I'm going to hug my kids and my husband a little harder and a little longer and tell them I love them.

I suggest you do the same because your days are numbered, too, and you don't want to leave suddenly without anyone you love ever doubting you loved them. Take some time to show it and mean it. Seriously.

Mature Ladies...

2011-11-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

A mature (over 70) lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

The moral of the story: Don't Mess With Mature Ladies.

Pictures From Halloween...

2011-11-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

Liv was a very confident Super Girl. Jack was Darth Vader and he had the breathing down pat.

Liesl and Leia were the most delicious cupcakes ever.

It was pretty much impossible to get all four kids into one picture. We had a lot of fun going trick or treating and we have sooooo much candy to show for it. I keep looking at these pictures and thinking about how different my kids are going to look next Halloween. They grow up so fast!

I Don't Wanna...

2011-11-02T06:00:00.003-05:00

November already. Before I know it it's the end of January and I'm 40 years old. Yep, I'm having a hard time with that one. I won't lie. I don't want to be 40. I want to be young. I used to think that 40 was so old when I was in my early twenties. Now, I'm on the cusp of it and I don't want to be there. It just means I'm old, halfway to dead, one foot in the grave.

Don't say age is just a number or that 40 is way better than 30. Those are lies and something people only say when they want to make you feel better. Forty is going to suck. Midlife crisis time. The descent into oblivion. The absolute pits. The bowels of uncool.

From now until January 29th, I'm going to be a complete mess. You won't be able to tell just by looking at me, but a part of me is dying with every day I approach 40...my best part. Oh, the horror!

Relax, I'm not going nuts. I'm just being a bit dramatic. I'm just not having an easy time with approaching my 40th birthday. I suppose you can tell already. Sigh...

Candy Is Overrated...

2011-11-01T06:00:00.001-05:00

Holy. Crap. I cannot believe how much candy four kids can come home with on Halloween! You would not believe how much candy Jack, Liv, Liesl, and Leia got yesterday. We didn't even go to that many houses, but they sure gave them a lot. Perhaps it's because they're all so cute. Yeah, that would do it.

They all said, "please," and "thank you." It was wonderful to have such polite kids. They made me proud because they were all so well-behaved. Jack and Liv are really fast, though. They were several houses ahead of Hubby, the babies, and me. It was crazy! I don't remember them being that fast before. Either I'm getting old or their legs are getting longer. Okay, maybe it's both. I think their favorite part was ringing all those doorbells. Heh.

My favorite part of the night was watching how much fun they were all having...together. When we got home, Liv graciously passed out candy to other kids who came to our house. It's a rule; if you want to GET candy, you also have to GIVE candy. No one ever questions that in our house. You just do it.

All in all, Halloween was a wonderful experience for all four of our kids. They had fun; we had fun; and we have a shitload of candy to show for it. It was completely ironic that Jack and Liv only wanted to eat Goldfish crackers and pretzels when they got home. Candy is completely overrated. Heh.

My Favorite Holiday...

2011-10-31T06:00:00.003-05:00

Happy Halloween!

We're so jazzed up for it over here! Four kids = lots of candy to go through...and eat!

Woohoo!

The Eve Of All Hallows Eve...

2011-10-30T06:00:00.004-05:00

We're all excited about tomorrow! I don't expect the twins to make it very far trick-or-treating, maybe up and down our block. After all, they are only two years old! Jack and Liv, however, will be in it for the long haul. We never go very far or are out a really long time, but we still have a lot of fun.

After I get home from work at around 3:30pm, we'll eat dinner, the kids will get their costumes on, and we'll all go trick-or-treating. Hubby will bring the twins home and I'll take Jack and Liv out for a little longer. Once we get home, Jack and Liv get the chance to pass out the candy we bought to other kids, while Hubby and I go through the stash they brought home, making sure it's all safe. We've taught them that if they want to go trick-or-treating, they also need to pass out candy to kids who come to our house.

After the kids go to bed, Hubby and I raid their stash and remember how lucky we are to have FOUR children! Yum!

Something Clicked...

2011-10-29T06:00:00.003-05:00

I cannot believe it. Liesl has so many words right now. She's a completely different toddler. Within the last week, she has spoken so many different words that she never said before. I don't know who this kid is. While Leia has many more words and speaks in 4-word sentences usually, she still requires an interpreter at times. Liesl, however, has crystal clear speech. It's as if she's been practicing while we haven't been looking and now she's got this voice she loves to use.

I'll admit I was a bit worried about a possible speech delay with Liesl, but I don't think I have to worry about it anymore. The twins are two years old; they're both speaking; and they love communicating all the time. They finish nursery rhymes, know the alphabet, can sing songs, etc. I couldn't be happier about it.

Like Liv, Leia seemed to catch on to language right out of the womb. Liesl took longer to grasp language, but I think she was just trying to get more confidence. With everyone doing the talking for Liesl, she didn't need to worry about her needs being met. Then she woke up. A light turned on and she feels her voice is just as important as everyone else's. And, wow, is she using it now!

Liesl's voice is so beautiful. I feel so fortunate to be able to hear it. She sounds like an angel when she says, "please," and "thank you." I could just cry right now.

Dick In The Door...

2011-10-28T06:00:00.002-05:00

I can finally breathe again because my laptop has been restored to factory settings. It was a nasty virus and now all is well, I hope. I have to add a bunch of programs to my laptop now, but I'll do it little by little. There's no rush. I'm just glad it's back to normal now. Onto other things...

Three things that happened to me yesterday:
1. One of my students kept licking my classroom door.
2. One of my students told me that the color of my eyes makes them look like flowers.
3. All of my students seem to believe that if someone farts on your pillow, you'll get pink eye.

One interesting thing that Jack said to me:
"Dick in the door." We have no idea where that came from, nor do we want to know. We just hope he doesn't say that at school, or worse...that he learned it at school.

Today, we have no students at work because it's a professional development day. This means that Hubby is watching all four kids all day long today. He'll be jonesing for me to come home today. Heh.

It'll be another busy weekend and we all can't wait for Halloween! Eeeeeeeeeeeee!

Aggravated...

2011-10-27T06:00:00.001-05:00

There's a nasty virus (or two) on my laptop and I was busy last night backing everything up onto a thumb drive. Today, Hubby will probably restore my laptop back to its factory settings. It's such a pain in the ass. Somehow, someway I picked up the Computer Clap and now my laptop is going nuts! I'm lucky I can even type this post right now.

As long as my tens of thousands of pictures are safe on my external hard drive and I can blog, read my email, go on Facebook, and put my camera's photos on my external hard drive, I'll be fine. If I can't do any of those, I just might scream. Heh. Clearly, I'm a slave to technology.

Oh, the horror!